To Never Lose
by Reverse Gravity
Summary: When sneaking into places you best make sure you can sneak out. Deidara chuckled... Sakura has taken a 180 turn in personality, living with a deathwish and killing without a soul. Not only are the Akatsuki after her, she’s after them too. Itasaku. AUish
1. First

Disclaimer: _I do NOT own Naruto._

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What if Sakura had lost it when Sasuke left? What if she decided to change her life… forever…?

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**TO NEVER LOSE**

_By Reverse_

**Chapter 1 – Prologue **

There was only one thing that seemed to be able to distract me. It was training. I knew it was wrong but there was a certain sadistic pleasure I took in watching my body being beat to a pulp. I was detached, any blow or strike landed on me was brushed aside, and it was as if I was watching my body take the hits from above or afar. I had once set out to become a Shinobi, a proud ninja of Konoha; to be somebody strong and brave. But more than that, I needed to become smoke in the night. I was required to become silent and leave my emotions in the past. To kill effortlessly. I had thrown away so much just to not have to feel anything.

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Tsunade had summoned me here. She _was_ my teacher; she had taught me some of the most effective attacks and jutsu I knew. But today she was the Hokage, giving me a mission that for all purposes likely had a similar resemblance to a kamikaze. It had started after he had left.

…

Sasuke.

I had been in love with him, I was a fool. Naruto vowed to train hard and bring him back. I knew he wouldn't be able to do so alone so I had begun to work to get stronger. Then I got addicted to the feeling of control over my body, complete control. A dictatorship over flesh was born into an ultimate weapon. I rose in the ranks silently as a Shinobi should. My chunin exam was nothing spectacular. But my jonin exam had shocked everybody. Against an opponent fabled stronger than the rest of the competition… I had taken him down.

I had completely immobilized him without even showing my face. The moment the match started I was gone. Kurenai had taught me how to meld into the trees; I altered her jutsu and become one with the earth. Silent, swift and deadly; and with an uncanny healer's ability. I passed; the next day Tsunade decided that I had made ANBU. All I had to do was pass her test.

With three S-rank missions complete in record time she had inquired after me. I knew of course, I had learned never to let any information slip around the village. I wouldn't allow another deserter, another goddamn Sasuke.

Tsunade had asked around, to my parents who were weary and hardly ever saw me theses days; I didn't know them anymore. To Kakashi, team leader of team seven, she inquired. And to Ino and Hinata as well. The same answer was presented. I could only imagine two possible motives. To see if I was emotionally strong enough to be ANBU, or if I was too emotionally strong to ever return to the sweet naive Sakura I had been. She learned what I had already adopted.

I was too far gone.

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The papers on the Hokage's desk seemed organized for once. Maybe Shizune had gotten around to it… I'll never know. Hazel eyes lifted to mine with both a sadness and resignation at my personality. I was cold.

"This is a solo mission; no team. Even the black ops didn't want it." I knew then it was probably bad. Tsunade gave me missions that were high in rank and always dirty. By now I felt like a hardened criminal on the inside, and it probably showed. Absently I wondered when I was going to lose and not be able to cheat death just that one more time.

"Another solo?" I asked vaguely. Instinctively I reached up to finger the tattoo on my upper arm. A crimson swirl of smoke, almost russet. After the attacks by sound and earlier sand, Tsunade had began installing a troop higher than anybody. This troop was as high as the ANBU level and three times as ruthless. They were mercenaries that nobody but the Hokage knew existed. They posed as ANBU squad leaders, and took that job when available; which, most of the time, they weren't.

Secret, unreported missions, and direct orders from the Hokage, those were the missions they took. They were never pleasant. I had been on a few and had never been on a peaceful one. Peaceful missions for the Red Ops didn't exist. There were four in total; two months ago there had been six. I was holding the record of survivability at seven months and counting… counting down I should say. Counting, dare I say, backwards till the day I die? That sounded correct.

The regular ninja were blissfully ignorant. The Hokage was wary of us. The Black Ops knew the difference between us and them. They were scared of us, we weren't ninjas to them. Ninjas, like them, walked in the shadows, they were black. The small elite number of us; we walked in blood. It was all we seemed to know these days. We had signed into suicide, a death wish.

There was no escaping from the shadow of freedom we held, the mysteries power we commanded. Like gods, we took life and like sacrifices we gave up humanity so we could take more. And when there was nothing left to give up from us? We gave up; we lost before we entered the fight. It was there were the very last of our dept would be repaid.

I read the scroll in front of me, knowing I should be deeply troubled and question her judgment and sanity. Long gone were the days I was her student and we cared whether or not a mission might become different. Sasuke was wrong; killing people isn't the only way to sever ties. Sign an irreversible death wish, people won't come near you anymore. Nobody wants to live in fear of one they love dying, and I was just that. It was kind of peaceful when you lived just waiting to die. You couldn't really fear anything.

"When you were younger this would have been something you would have wanted to do." Tsunade sighed. I was fourteen; I had turned fourteen after breaking my body training for this. I had finished reading by now. I would accept this mission, but because of the nature of it I knew what it meant for me. The analytical part of my mind suggested that in her eyes I had lived too long and gotten too strong to let live, and she had to make me disappear. A mission was appropriate, it's nature imposable.

"I will do it. But not for the reasons you think I will; not like when I was young." I was referring to the friend this could save the life of; I was heartless and lifeless now. I turned to leave, grasping my porcelain mask in my hand.

I traced the black cat mask, discreet mauve markings creating a flower over the left eye, only barely visible. It was all that was left. My full black armor was the only thing I wore nowadays. Even my ocher cloak was rarely discarded. The costume had become a part of me, nothing to tie me to anything or anyone; not even a forehead protector. I was as rogue and wild as any ninja could be while loyal to a village and 'kage.

"You know…" I started. I couldn't think how to finish it. Tell my friends and parents I'm sorry, maybe? Would they even know my name? I had no home; there was no way I could include that word. I had been a Red Op for a long, long time. I knew that even the tamer Black Ops didn't get out with scars. Job hazard. The Red Ops… they didn't get out alive. "This is my last mission. If I return here, I won't be alive."

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**Ok. So that's my new story's' into. It's really short and just to give you the history and a small taste of what's to come**

**If this is not reviewed, I will not continue. Honestly. I am bored with seeing all the hits and barely any reviews… am I a bad writer. **

**Ok. Also: SHOULD SAKURA END UP WITH ITACHI? **

**Just asking. I have a feeling this fic is headed that way but I'd like a bit of input before I go all out in making this fic. **

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	2. Second

_Note: _Yeah, it's a "boring chapter" but I had to stress her doubt and insecurity within her façade.

**Even though there was a reason for the other title, I decided this one made logical sense. Thanks to the reviewer who sparked this. **

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**TO NEVER LOSE**

_By Reverse_

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**Chapter 2 – The Reach of Shadows**

My goodbye to this place went unspoken. There was no hostility in my gaze, for even hatred and bitterness were emotions and I only consciously allowed myself the raw minimal of it. I simply stared at the gates. It was fortunate that I understood the ulterior motives of this mission.

For Tsunade to assign me to it; I realized that she had taken me in as her student as hopes of healing me, but I just became more powerful and less human. If this mission was completed it might save Naruto. If not; it would kill me or remove me from Konohakure. I half-hoped it would just kill me; there weren't many more honorable ways to die.

Naruto… he had never really given up on me or Sasuke. I felt no sympathy as I knew he would experience my loss. Such is a shinobi's life; this mission was the ultimately perfect one to check out on.

With one last glance at the gates I turned and walked steadily away. This was the place where I had once had a happy care-free family and friends; a teacher who appreciated me. The place I was born and had experienced my first of nearly everything. It's funny how I etched the strange little village in my mind. It was the place where I had rivaled one of the legendary sanin in medical skills. This place was where I had learned chakra control beyond the limits that should have grounded me, and where I had dug up my roots to move when the place could no longer hold me.

A few more steps forward. My armor flexed as I began to pick up the pace. I kept my tan hood over my short dull-pink hair. It was too noticeable, so I had mixed in dirt. My mask was securely tied and I once again fingered my tattoo. When Sasuke had left, I was young, and walking away from the place I had once displayed great loyalty toward. Now I was wise and walking into a plan that would surely demand my head as payment.

No, I never did look back.

The trees seamed to fade into a blur.

There was a silence in this mission. A quiet basic acceptance of the outcome; sometimes knowledge is the best weapon, it was in this case. I was too weary and ragged by life to even lift a finger in protest about this development.

I stopped, and no my feet did not trip up; I froze like a statue, my body suddenly molding in an unwilling form.

Across from me, in my shadow, stood a suspicious figure. The shadow began to become smaller as the man walked towards me. I mirrored his steps perfectly, deciding to face the confrontation than fight the powerful jutsu. Even behind the white bird mask; behind the gentle iron swirls like smoke that spiraled over the left side… I knew exactly whose face would lie behind the mask.

Shikamaru; the lazy talented prodigy of the Nara clan. In the very back of my mind, the banished part that held rarely resurfacing emotions, I very nearly prayed I wouldn't have to see his face. I wanted to remember him with that bored expression on his face. Like another day before things became so desperate; a day when two viscous blonds would stop short of murder for his attention. That face had been replaced; as had mine. The shadow user had walked long enough in the shadows to be mistaken for one. Like a true ANBU he was all smoke and barely-there whispers. Vaguely I wondered how many days or weeks it would be before he joined the Red Ops just looking for an honorable way out. I wondered if he would be sent on this mission, or if Tsunade felt he couldn't be lost.

A part of me began to wonder whether or not this was in part pity. In the same sick justifiable sense that you shoot a dog when it gets too old, or is too injured to save, was I like that? I didn't understand how people could let others die of sickness, the emotional attachments caused others to suffer and Shikamaru was living proof that they would suffer. His eyes had been empty since death had been prominent. He was as alone as Naruto and Sasuke; and me. Team 7 really did fall to failure; even Kakashi was alone, I could hardly be considered company.

"Where are you going?" He asked; the roughness in his voice was filled with envy. A peaceful longing that failed to evoke any emotion in me; I was too far gone.

"A mission." I stated. That much was obvious; so in a show of courtesy I elaborated. "The last one," I stated darkly.

"Ahh." He sighed in recognition, his voice filled with enough bliss that I could somewhat confirm his former envy. "That time has come?"

I just stared at him with my soft emerald eyes, stoic and masking. There was barely anything left to hide, just the small ounce of self preservation and self respect that seemed to be disappearing everyday. Nothing was a challenge anymore. If I survived, and I half hoped that I didn't, I wondered if this would be a nice good challenge. Sneaking into the well hidden but recently discovered Akatsuki lair, and stealing something valuable from them… it wasn't going to be a stroll in the park. "I never expected to live very long when I spattered the shadows with blood."

He sounded rational. "If it were your mission, would you murder Naruto?"

"Yes." My voice was deadpan, yet not hesitant. "Maybe he'd manage to kill me first."

"You could betray him; just like that, one order…!" he seamed to challenge my new set of values.

I removed my mask as he untied his, the perfect mirror image being obedient. "Now I see why Tsunade wants you dead, she didn't want you walking around with what you have become!"

I was insignificantly puzzled. "What have I become?"

"You're like the second coming of Uchiha Itachi." He made the comparison.

I laughed a sick half-panicked sound. The ring of insanity was evident in my hysterical edge. I hadn't laughed in a long time; even in this maniacal tone. "Of all the people to compare me to –_His _brother?!"

"Is that even a bad thing?" I stopped laughing, but my voice still had the aching ring of insanity and jealousy and it simply sounded sharp. These last few words were spoken before he called of the bind; he probably couldn't hold it for much longer as I had began to fight off its paralyzing nature. He was shocked at my response, but managed to voice his last thoughts before leaving.

"You disgust me." He spoke, his words twisted and contorted with hatred.

I laughed once more, a small bitter chuckle after he completely disappeared. I could not even sense his chakra signature. "I used to too."

"Then I discovered what I could do." I remembered the cultivating of my emotions, of ripping them from my heart and soul. It had created the weapon I was today. …Even if it had taken all my innocence and opinion away with it. By the time all my baggage was gone; I had forgotten what price I had even paid.

All I knew was when it came to the end; the price would never be worth it, the cost was too high. The stakes were already drawn; and I had lost. I had failed at life. There was nothing left that I could do now but move forward and see what happens, I truly was living beyond my time. Nice thing about it was that I had nothing left to lose.

With the final confrontation between me and Konoha, the last vows and diminishing or any possible regret; I began to venture towards my destination. It would take me a good four days to arrive and I was all for putting as much distance between me and Konoha as granted.

It wasn't like anybody would come after me. Sasuke, was gone and he would remain gone. Kakashi had been preparing himself for my death since he saw the tattoo on my arm. And Naruto… he was always so ever-cheerful and put on such a brave face for somebody so young and so alone. He was the last to give up on me, realizing that I didn't even care for anyone anymore. He was always trying to provoke me into responding, but after a while it stopped working and he focused more on other things. I don't think for a moment he was ever discouraged. Maybe he saw something in me that everyone and I had failed to notice. I couldn't afford to hope so; so I brushed aside any feelings I had on the matter. Or any matter.

I sped up my pace, taking to the branches of the trees that surrounded the leaf. Even though I wasn't under radar, from force of habit I stayed out of the moss and was careful to not disturb dirt and leaves. No matter what happened my training seemed to dictate my actions, in this case it was natural for me to be untraceable.

The day wore on as I reached the one-third mark. The forests had wavered and surrendered to the sparse vegetation on the edge of the desert. It struck a broken chord inside me. To see the beautiful strong trees give way to the erosion of wind, falling valiantly and shamefully before this sandy place; almost like a sick worshiping. I brushed aside the haunting feeling as I found a place under a tree that seemed secluded enough to stay out of the wind.

I leaned lightly against the tree, untying my mask and pulling out a ponytail holder. I snapped my hair up in a short ponytail. Vaguely I wandered why I hadn't dyed it. The bright cherry-pink had been there all my life and I had gotten used to it, but it stood out worse than any other color under the sun.

Unconsciously I wrapped my arms around my knees. It wouldn't be a good thing for me to dwell on how I had gotten to this point. I decided to just get through each day and each hour. Even though I had second thoughts about going to my death; I dismissed it with my strength in repressing my emotions. I had taken the one trait I still admired in the child Sasuke; _he had no regrets._

I pulled a portion or the small amount of food I had stuffed in the pouch I always carried around. I ate quickly before finding a secluded bush and small stream to take care of things.

Cautiously, I made my way back the tree I had been leaning against earlier. Long ago the tears had run out and dried up. Too much time had passed for anything to hurt barely at all. After all this time, I wondered how much I had let pass by me. Surely this gamble was not what life was supposed to be.

I could have been lighthearted and disappointed, or I could have clung to my friends when Sasuke left. But I did just what he did, and pushed everyone away.

This rare feeling of nostalgia quickly passed when I groped for my usual fearless attitude. I needed that inner strength that I had harvested and reaped from my soul. It wasn't hard to find.

My emotions rapidly scattered under my learned calculating demeanor. It was dominant; no matter what, I always seemed to be able to suppress my emotions and fall back into rational.

Just another trick to survive.

I brushed off any feeling and started towards my destination. The traveling was long and my stamina was tested before I came into the view of the place I had been sent to find. I was staring at my death and it was looking far too simple and plain for me to be anything but uneasy. Still, my resignation was undeniable. I was to die here, far from home and far from sane.

Rocks and sparse desert trees erupted from the ground in a clash of angry defiance. It was against nature for anything to grow in this way. But it was only naturally impossible, casting an eerie effect that I didn't let go unnoticed. Underneath this disaster were my impending doom and the lair of the fabled Akatsuki.

All I had to do was wait for my informant to show up; a double-agent that worked for Tsunade, but paraded as an Akatsuki. He was a strange, innocent trickster whose naivety shone through the blood on his hands. A murderer; unaware.

He may not be here yet, but I knew the time would shift, slowly when I was in anguish of waiting. But fast when I would count my shallow breaths and consider them foreplay, the very countdown to the one that would be my last.


	3. Third

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**TO NEVER LOSE  
**_By Reverse_

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**Chapter 3- Lair of the Damned**

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I took three steps forward before coming face to face with who Tsunade had told me was my informant. He was apparently one from Konoha; somebody who fought for his friends very hard and suffered.

It was not hard to recognize him; the noted orange swirl mask covering whatever was left of his face. For a moment it reminded me of the orange swirl on Naruto's clothes before I suppressed the thought and decided to get this over with, even knowing what I was up against I was impatient in dealing with informants. I had no respect for spies.

"As far as I am concerned my dept is paid. I owe Konoha nothing, _I owe you nothing_," he emphasized. I glared at him with quickly narrowing eyes. His voice sounded child-like and simple. But on the very last part, the strict address to me, he had sounded spiteful.

As a Red Op it was my responsibility to remind the ninja of his fate. "Then you would acquit and betray your mission to Konoha?"

My voice betrayed nothing, a simple statement, he sounded like he was unused to such diplomatic talk. I wondered if this was his real mask; the mask of personality. "My mission was over when I left the ranks of subornation and joined the ring-bearers in hell."

Without warning I punched his mask with my inhuman strength. Unsure of its material, I kicked him hard enough in the chest to wind him enough that, if he was a natural human being, he would pass out.

He did of course; he was caught completely by surprise. "If it means that much to you…"

I reached down to remove the ring from his finger, not bothering to study the kanji as I slipped it onto a chain around my neck. "Of course I'll take good care of it!" I muttered offhandedly before slipping past the shadows to the hidden entrance I knew of. Once inside I would be on my own, slipping and sneaking until somebody saw fit to add my name to the death toll. I would be only a casualty, villages suffered those often. I knew my village wouldn't suffer. Maybe they would rejoice.

I slipped on the ring to open the door. Whomever I had spoken too was dumber than anybody else that would be inside. With the infamous Uchiha Itachi, whom I had been carelessly compared to yesterday, and the several other high priority targets, this wasn't gonna be a picnic.

Unless of course the cannibalistic one decided to eat me… Still; not my picnic. I slipped the ring back on the cord, staring through my mask at the poorly-lit hallway. My chakra was masked out of habit and I felt no need to worry about anything going right. Everything… would go wrong in this mission, there was no way it couldn't; and I didn't want that hope.

I tried to feel for the power that would come from the sealing on the scroll, they weren't secretive about things here, and they felt safe maybe. Either that or they were watching me fall into their trap. I never considered the possibility they were curious.

In the lair of the damned, twelfth door to the right was the place that I needed to be. Shamelessly I walked down these halls. I supposed I appeared contemplative, if people were to often contemplate their own demises.

I turned the handle; opening it without the slightest inclination that it would be the last I entered. Off to the side, offhandedly thrown on a desk was what I was looking for; a sealed scroll.

I felt the seal to discover if there were any tricks to it. There weren't. Maybe they didn't expect me to find it. I checked the room again, plain gray walls, wood floor, desk with the smell of stale liquids and old, dried blood. Maybe it was a workroom at best.

My chakra flared in my left hand as I broke through the seal with brute force; simply shattering it against my fist.

I slid the paper apart, reading every last word and instruction.

Here was the thing that would end up killing Naruto in the end, how to release Kyuubi's seal and set him free… Only to let the Akatsuki cage him again. I had read it in a very short amount of time and was unsurprised. But there was nobody else that had read it, except the creator, judging by the seal that was untainted. I brought heated chakra to my palm. The Akatsuki were here, barely masking their chakra signatures.

"Shit!" I heard a hoarse whisper as the door was forced open. The hinges protested roughly as two members of this organization burst through the door. I set the scroll alight.

Ghostly ashes drifted as the blond Akatsuki, Deidara—I recognized—pushed me against the wall, his hand molded against my vulnerable throat.

I stared simply at the ashes. This was it; I owed nothing to anyone anymore. My dept to Tsunade was repaid on my first mission as a Red Op. My dept to Kakashi was paid when I told him that Sasuke had killed Orochimaru. The dept to Naruto was on the floor in ashes. To Konoha, I had accepted death as a risk. To myself, I had played out on this risk.

My mask was untied as Deidara also recognized my face; I could see it in his expression. I had been wanted by Sasori, that's how he knew me.

"You shouldn't sneak into places you can't sneak out of," He spoke; a complementary "un" sound was added to the end of his sentence, I suspected a speech pattern.

My wide jade eyes snapped coolly onto his, I seemed for naught to care that he was holding my life in his vague hands. I glared; I was not going down as a weakling. "What makes you think I wanted to sneak out?!"

My demand caught the attention of the other, I knew him instantly, Itachi Uchiha. "Trying to be a hero little ANBU?" he asked distantly.

I nearly sputtered; it was my goddamn teammates that were always trying to be heroes! My calm was kept as a grace to my training. "No."

The statement may have sparked mild interest; he took a stop closer as Deidara held me a little looser, it made it easier to speak and I took full advantage. "My dept is paid. My bonds are broken."

I felt him curiously fiddling with my armor as he unbuckled my cloak and removed my arm pieces. I couldn't even bring myself to care or hate him. Deidara still held me in place but released me as Itachi shot a glare at him. My armband was undone. It was black and not the regular known white.

"You're not ANBU?" He faintly asked.

I smirked lightly, a face that was part of my feeling. The great Uchiha Prodigy, the thirteen-year old ANBU captain, was even the slightest bit puzzled at my differences from the norm. Even my mask was abnormally black, sitting carelessly on the desk.

I took my sleeve and wretched it above the crimson tattoo. Itachi knew the mark, himself carrying a black one that he likely despised or relished in turns. Maybe his relationship with the ANBU was an allusion to mine. "I'm not a Black Op."

"The Red Ops." He seemed overly polite for the usually silent criminal, but he was just going to kill me anyway, so I figured I would oblige.

Deidara looked puzzled and I knew Itachi would not explain.

"The Red Ops are only the kamikaze version of the gentle Black Ops." I stated blankly.

"Are they?" Deidara seemed unfazed and unimpressed.

I laughed. "Of course! That's why Konoha had to find an acceptable way to kill me; and a way I couldn't refuse." My voice changed darkly on the last part. My last bond had been cut. There were different ways to break them, mine were paid up front. Sasuke made his disappear. It was hard to remember him, but I was used to pain, it seemed to have become my testament and religion. Maybe pain had even become a culture.

My voice was still dark. "I had lived for too long. I got too good at surviving. Nobody lasts over three months without dying—I just hit seven."

I lectured anyway, wanting to just throw the life I had been stuck in away. "We signed our death warrants with the red ink they force into our arms… Death, either by enemy or suicide from emotional torture and insanity. The stuff we do is just as bad as the stuff you do so don't look at me like a saint. I'm not a goddamn angel."

Diedara smirked. "Your one fucked up angel."

Together Itachi and the annoying blonde with the awful mimicry tied my wrists together in front of me. I wasn't gagged. They probably hoped I would scream and fuss. I just stood somber and proud as I was escorted to the place I knew would be a dungeon and a torture chamber.

Itachi smashed my black cat mask against the wall. From the sharp pieces of the shattered object, the shattered life, he raked it against my cheek, drawing blood. I ignored the cut as the first of a million.

"You will survive." He coolly stated. "And you will suffer."

He slammed the door on me, leaving me in the dark, a place where I was unafraid and not uneasy.

I decided this mission was no more about suicide. It was about taking the beating as seeing how long I could withstand every possible torture. My prayer and promise was murmured softly behind the Uchiha. "You will too."

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(_Itachi_) 

The mask was still in my hand as I disregarded my hate for the place I was destined. Hate would only bring you down; I realized how foolish my little brother was to not realize it. Hate could stop you if you dwelled on it.

I threw the mask on the Hokage's desk, flung it mercilessly, the blood still dripping from the edge. There was no call to arrest me, no alarm. The blonde just stared at me and the purple-inked mask for a moment. Her words sounded haunting as I showed that her little red ANBU was dealt with personally; dead or just as gone.

"Thank you." She thanked me, I was disgusted. I wasn't some garbage disposal. I almost smirked as I recognized the emotion in her voice. She was relieved that the little red ANBU was gone.

I had done nothing. "It was not proof." I sated as I turned to leave. "It was a promise."

All the color drained from her horror stricken face as I threatened to send the former Red Op after her.

By the time she could raise the alarm to race after me, I would be outside the gates. And I would be contemplating going through with my promise. And I would be deciding that I had best keep my promises.

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****And did you guys notice her changes in attitude when she's **_**on **_**a mission compared to**_** going **_**on one?  
****Oh, and we got a taste of Itachis' P-O-V. That may happen occasionally to outline the plot. **

**Click and Review.**

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	4. Fourth

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**TO NEVER LOSE  
**_By Reverse_

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**Chapter 4 - Insanity Within Torture**

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The darkness was nothing compared to the sting of the light when it was flashed after so long. After what seemed like endless days cramped within the cell, it was all torturous. I still didn't make a sound. It was all I had to hold onto; don't move, don't make a sound.

Whatever amount of time in the damp and the dark was spent wasted and cramped. But the light was more torturous than the face that brought it to my level.

Eyes like blood and darkness were the first thing I saw. I was tempted to scream, so I chomped down on my tongue. The rusty flavor of my own blood brought me new awareness. My eyes fought to withstand the pain of sudden light

I had been cramped in the same position for so long that my muscles screamed even when Itachi took my hand. Both his lily hands caressed my worn ones, the dirt and dried blood crusted over my fingers transferred over to his. Holding my index finger in both hands he let my other hand fall. I didn't even raise a finger.

"What did the scroll say?" He asked, my finger twisted within his own.

I retorted. "I don't know. I don't want to know."

I bit my lip in a torrent of furry as he easily snapped it. Though I fumed outwardly and panted, I didn't break eye contact.

_Never stop smiling. _Naruto's words echoed in the torturous cavern of my mind. I remembered all the fights where his very faith unnerved the memory. I had no faith to give; only insanity. It was enough for Itachi though; my insane pleasure would come to my use.

He stated his question again, his voice ringing clearly like pure water smothering my fire. "What did the scroll say?" It was an empty demand. I shook my head with the flame of defiance meeting his cool refreshing gaze. There was no ice like Sasuke's stare, but rather a flowing magnificent force that could make or break you.

Another twist, my middle finger, splintering slowly to sever the skin, the pain was the intended torture. This cell was already inhibiting my chakra, these wounds would not be healed, and it drove me further. I made no face of pain, I smiled. I smiled brilliantly with the excitement and adrenaline. I never screamed… my noise came in rasping, desperate laughs and noises of pleasure and enjoyment.

The more pain, the more excited I got. Then the pain stopped.

I stopped my maniac laughter and stared calmly at the Uchiha. He had picked up my other hand before putting it down.

I kunai was against my throat in less than a heartbeat. My back was against the wall, and I couldn't move even if I wanted to.

Agony still ripped through my body and I was sent into gentle shivers from the pain. "Are you going to kill me?" I asked calmly. He didn't appear shocked.

"What did the scroll speak of?" He asked.

"Many things," I began. "Are you going to do it quickly and step back, or slowly?"

He shot me a look of impatience. "Such as?"

"Either way you'll avoid the main stream of blood." I mused, mildly directing my attention up. Itachi thrust my forehead into the wall with his hand.

I still refused to play by his rules. "Either way; you should remove your cloak. Those things look well made and hard to come by. I promise to make a mess."

"Is that all you promise?" He asked, a little bit of interest in his tone. He slapped me for measure and I blinked several times before looking back up at him.

Oh no, I promised much more. I promised to make you find suffering, I promised to bring your demise and paradise, and you can know nothing of what I promised.

"That's all I'll tell you." I said, there is no poison in my tone.

He smirked, just a little and replied evenly. "Then I should kill you; you're worthless."

"On the contrary," I object. I won't beg for my life, he doesn't deserve a mercy plea. "I come at too high a cost."

The kunai is pressed a little harder, the edge caressing my neck like the lips of a lover; all cold and steel. "You aren't willing to pay are you, Itachi?"

"Why should I pay when I can just force it from you?" He asked.

I laughed; a chime of merriment in the dark crippling place I was in. "I have nothing to lose, and I fear nothing. What am I?"

He almost growled but chose to shove me against the wall and throw me to the floor. Then he locked the cell and walked slowly and deliberately away. Maybe he wanted me to hate him. I will give him not the luxury of power over me. His existence in my life has only the power to end it, not change it. Nobody holds any power in my life to change it; not unless it is given. It is the ultimate defeat to allow people to change your life when you don't want them to. It's a power that can bring any enemy to their knees; only one man I have ever met can mold and use this terrifying and miraculous power.

And that powerful miracle of a man is not Itachi. The elder Uchiha is barely seen to me as a man; he possesses to much the qualities of a boy.

"Itachi?" I address. His step didn't falter, but I knew he had heard me. "I am myself."

Even with the knowledge to break me; even as armed as he is. He cannot succeed. He is not man enough to understand.

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It may have been a full two days before someone ventured down to see me. I lay on my back, flat on the ground while moving to prevent cramping and pain. It was barely any use. My hand had already swollen to uselessness. 

This time it was the blonde. The clay sculptor and self proclaimed artist; this was Deidara. He held in his hands a tiny delicate white bird. A second one perched on his shoulder. I was too exhausted to care.

Something was placed at my lips and water was poured into my mouth, I sputtered as I tried desperately to swallow it slowly. When it was taken away I lay my head back down and stared at the ceiling. Deidara leaned over me and ran a finger over my mouth; opening it.

I couldn't care. I couldn't bring myself to move I was so weakened. "Nobody survives Itachi."

_I did,_ I wanted to whisper but my strength is something I knew I had to save.

"So they sent me to see what was wrong with you." He said slyly. I didn't trust him but I did nothing.

He looked a little disappointed at lack of fight. His unique "Un" sound was said a little more forcefully, angrily as he fished his sentences.

A little bird the size of a thumb was placed in my mouth. I was careful not to swallow it; I knew that much at least. "What did the scroll say?" Ah, the mandatory question.

"I will blow your voice-box out if you won't tell me." I just stared at him as if he was alien.

Still careful not to swallow the bird; I spoke slowly. Exhaustion was pegging me down. "Was Itachi too embarrassed to tell you?"

"Tell me what?" He growled. He was already beat; I had already pegged him a jealous of the former Konoha noble; now I had proof and a weapon against him.

My eyes fluttered open, lashes blinking away stinging water that came from pain and what could have been insomnia. "You know what?" I whispered. "Blow my voice-box out. I dare you."

I could see it on his face he wanted so badly to blow me to smithereens and ash; but the jutsu he made was not for explosives.

The bird broke into shatter-glass in my mouth, sharp tearing pieces that made their way through my sinuses and fluttered from my nostrils like ash from burned paper. Like the scroll I had destroyed.

Every little piece burned like the fire of explosives, I couldn't help but wail and pant as the process stung. It felt like knifes made from iron branders and dulled my sense of smell. I was bitter about it.

"Do that again!" I demanded. "A few more times and I won't smell the filth of this place."

"You really are a fucked up angel. I don't see why Itachi wants you when he could have any whore." Deidara spoke.

I smirked, my nose was still burning, but I would be left alone in the pain for maybe days so I clung to this human connection while it existed. "Men always want what they can't get."

He slammed his hands down so hard on my hips I feared they might have snapped and broken. The blood pooled and I could already feel the bruising starting; made faster and darker by lack of nutrition and dehydration. "Maybe I should wreck you, damage you!"

His growl was met by my disproving glance. "Pointless, Uchiha's try to always get what they want. You are an idiot. He's still get what he wants."

"In fact, he'll probably flaunt he go it better." I cringed slightly, but remained impassive outwardly. My minor flints of emotions would not ruin what I was building.

Deidara looked extremely angry now, and defiantly annoyed. Though if he was allowed to kill me; he would have already done so …I wasn't terribly worried about him killing me. "You think you can deny him?"

"Deny? No. But that's not what I would do. Not to a true Uchiha, that's suicide." I spoke evenly. Enjoying the rare power a defenseless being could hold against a member of the most feared criminal organization in the world. Not all power is in weapons and technique; some of it is in emotional and internal strength. Undeniable power lies in determination and intelligence.

"You seem suicidal." He observed with a bitter tone. His personality was his weakness even though it echoed his craft. I wondered if everybody's strength is also their weakness. I wondered if strength is only something in comparison to somebody else, a measure; but not a quality.

"I know how to play the cards. Even against one of the Uchiha." I knew to incorporate Itachi into this. His jealousy would bypass my mention of ploys against him. For a genius; he wasn't all that bright.

He just glared demanding I go on. "Uchiha's get whatever they want. It's a fact, not a puzzle."

"It's a fact that can be defeated by a puzzle. You show the Uchiha what they want really isn't something they want. You become an object of repulsiveness." I said softly, he was hanging onto my every word. "If its power they want, show them the weakness and flaws in it. If it's to torture, give them pleasure. If its pleasure they want, gift with indifference."

He didn't understand the last part, but he seemed to grasp the idea I was portraying. The blonde, almost gently, held my head as he gave me the last of the water before departing. There was an obvious smirk and plan in his manor and I added an alliance to Deidara as a possibility in the future; but one of the non-dept varieties. I had had enough of my depts. and bonds. He would not be hard to control.

There was hope in the flaws I could exploit. I smiled an almost real smile for the first time in years.

I was aching to the bones and nearly unconscious from pain but I would hold out. I would survive for as long as I could under the circumstances. Even if just to spite them.

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**As always. Review and I'll be more motivated to write. I was gonna let this chapter go till Monday, but you've all been really supportive. **

**I like my Deidara. He's fun to write. I can't wait to introduce Kisame. More plot in next chapter. Sakura tries to set them against themselves and Itachi….**

**Itachi gets what he believes to be a bright idea…… do you even **_**want**_** to know?... …. ….**


	5. Fifth

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**TO NEVER LOSE  
**_By Reverse_

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**Chapter 5 -Out of Options**

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There were more footsteps down to wherever I was being kept. I fought with myself to stand up. The water Deidara had given me had helped greatly. I stood against the wall beside the door. Although there were iron bars, there was a wall to contain the chakra sealing. And those walls were opaque. 

The handle turned and I saw a foot step down on the floor. It almost rendered myself sick from the required effort, but I hit whoever was coming in as hard as I could in the face or neck. They were surprised. I scampered down the hall from them, as fast as I could. I wasn't planning on escaping. Just shaking them up a little.

I opened the door to another room to see three Akatsuki members staring at me. One looked impressed, Deidara. The second, whom I had been informed by the hokage and the ANBU bingo book, was called Zetsu. He didn't appear concerned. Itachi was livid even if his expression didn't show it. I had spent enough time with Sasuke to recognize that expression.

I sat down against the wall, I was dizzy and my voice and actions a little hazy. Deidara watched in what I considered amusement as Itachi stood. I half-heartedly waved a dismissal hand at them. I didn't even bother to look up at Itachi. My strength was used up. There wasn't any left.

I spoke a little breathlessly, but my words were understandable. "You can kill me if you want. I don't mind."

He stopped, almost as if he had finally realized my attempt to manipulate him. His face remained with the barest of expressions as he bent his knees to face my level. The cord around my neck pulled as he examined the ring I had stolen from them earlier.

"Deidara, your partner is useless." I gave a snort or amusement to hide my pain as he ripped the cord from my neck. I wasn't too concerned about the ring; it had probably annoyed Itachi to think that those he was supposedly equal to were weak enough to have their only important proof of membership, stolen. … And by a 'little red ANBU' with cropped pink hair.

"Can I get a new one then?" He asked. As I shook my head and gave Itachi a look that said; 'you don't know the half of it.'

I chuckled, a dark little sound that drew attention. "He was a Konoha spy until he was accepted in. How do you think I found this place?"

Deidara gave a look of surprise and resignation. Itachi nodded to him and I assumed he was going to go kill the spy or eliminate him somehow. I wasn't all that concerned.

"And you wouldn't give Konoha information." I smirked at the man who had entered the doorway and made this sarcastic staement. He had a shark-like smirk and instantly recognizable features; Hoshigaki, Kisame. He was Itachi's partner, so it only made sense he would be here too.

I shrugged. "They sent me here in hopes you would kill me. But they appreciated my skills as long as they thought they had leverage. It ran out when I burned that scroll. I can go back if I want. But why bother?"

"So what would you do if you got out of here alive?" He asked with genuine curiosity. Being out here was enabling my stored chakra to heal my body and my headache was already dissipated. My voice was clearer. "The Hokage wants to kill me and there's no way I'm not in the bingo book my now." I considered my circumstances. "There's nobody I trust, and nobody trusts me. I'd probably take on a student and leave my memory behind. The way I live isn't gonna keep me around for very long. I'm worse off than you."

He looked a little confused and I hugged my knees to my chest. Deidara walked back into the room, his feet making little to no noise on the hard floor. The plain white of the walls cast his shadow on the opposite side of Itachi's.

"If you blood swear to us; you can keep the ring you stole earlier. I do need a partner." The "un" sounded more anxious at the end.

Itachi glared over his shoulder at him. His gaze drifted back to me, expressing disinterest rest and possible distaste. The ring dropped to my feet; a token for me to accept or check out of life. Offer of life, nay, rather more like a bargain or deal.

There would be ties; but no bonds. I would once again sell my services for a small grant of life. My only motive was to annoy Itachi; and since my reasons for living had dissipated with the Hokage's betrayal, I made my decision.

"Leader will deal with Tobi." Deidara said. Zetsu got up and left the room, as if he had finally realized what was going on. Or he had finally decided to care.

Itachi threw a scroll at my feet with the seal of a red cloud. I bit my thumb and smeared my blood across it in a straight line. I had just sold myself up and asked for the apocalypse.

Like cool refreshing rain I let my smirk mask the inside frozen sensation, it was the thrill of adrenaline. I had a purpose again, and it was complicated and challenging.

"Won't your leader be concerned?" I asked; a little smugness was colored in my tone.

Kisame grinned. "He's only the leader when it comes to the demons and war. Most of the stuff we do is personal. Besides, he's only like a messenger, he answers to somebody, how else could he have got the information he has? And why else would we follow him?"

"We are individuals. We benefit each other as an organization. But if your ring has got its Jinchuriki –yours does- you can do whatever you want as long as you report when summoned and stick with your partner."

"Which beast is from this one?" I asked, curious as I slipped the ring onto my left thumb. It was the only place it would fit, and it's where I took it from the former spy. The kanji was one such for jewel.

Deidara smirked dismally. "The three tails. I did all the work, my artistic talents were the only reason it has it."

"Uchiha still needs his." He noted, likely this was the reason for his smirk brightening to smugness. Said Uchiha gave him a glare that spoke the words for him. 'You couldn't do better.'

"But I burned the scroll." I spoke clearly, almost calculative and mocking in my tone.

Itachi finally had his turn to smirk. "And you will be punished."

I shrugged. "And you shall give up the information."

Then I really did smile. "Can't I didn't read it. I checked to make sure it was the right one; but I didn't read its contents enough to understand them."

As I left walking down the hall I laughed clearly; though a little morbidly. "And that's the real and only reason you considered me in the first place."

I stopped in my movement. "Besides, why open old bonds and old debts when they have finally been laid six feet under; and if not… they have been burnt to ashes."

"But like art…." Deidara started, pausing for his nasal sound, "un." "All things leave a trace, even after they are gone."

"No they don't. Some things truly disappear. All that's left is a memory and those are fragile and dangerous and possible to kill. You can't prove anything on a memory." I began walking again.

I stopped and leaned against the wall and called out to Deidara. "So where am I staying?"

He didn't call back and I looked back unworried and definitely not rushed.

Itachi was directly in front of my face; those three familiar pinwheels turning. I wasn't afraid. There were no more attachments here than anywhere; other that my obligation of boredom and spite.

"You still need to be punished for your actions." Was stated, addressed obviously to me. I wasn't sure who said it but I stared directly into the ever-changing pinwheels of Uchiha Itachi…

I stared with acceptance and an embracing of yet another torturous ploy.

Then… it all went dark.

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**I'm going on holidays soon and thought you'd like a short update instead of none at all. I might not be able to do another for a while. Sorry.**

**Review...Oh...if not I'll...uhm... send Deidara and Itachi to find you!**

**...not that some of you will consider that a bad thing...**


	6. Sixth

**WARNING: Itachi may have been hanging out with Zetsu a little too much…also may contain spoilers….**

**Also I DO NOT HATE Sasuke. I actually don't hate anybody except Orochimaru (and I don't hate him **_**that**_** much.) I just needed this voice for Sakura.**

**I don't really understand Sasuke though; doesn't he understand strength is only relative…?**

**THANKS for all the wonderful reviews, I was really motivated since I leave for two weeks (no internet but I'll be able to work on my chapters) on Thursday and decided to update. Enjoy!**

**Sorry 'bout the long ANs.**

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**TO NEVER LOSE  
**_By Reverse_

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**Chapter 6 - Red Sky**

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The lair of the akatsuki twisted in my mind, the blood and coal pinwheels contorting the surroundings. In inverted sky was my first console; that I had been right. Once again Itachi had felt the need to enforce his dominance through the means of the sharingan, the terror and curse of his family.

I stood on a field of white, tall grass. It reminded me almost of the white flowers I had seen harvested for drugs in Waterfall on a mission to catch the criminals growing them.

I had made a promise to complete my mission. That was my greatest strength; to complete my promises. My determination was unwavering.

Then it occurred to me that it was a funny thought to have in such a horrendous place. The spiteful part of my mind argued back that since Itachi had complete control here, it wasn't wrong to find nostalgic comfort. It would soothe the pain.

I looked across the field. Here were Itachi and Sasuke; somehow I knew it would be this. Sasuke was screaming at Itachi not to hurt me, and how he hated him. Itachi was looking calm and strong.

This didn't hurt me. Not as they ran to clash each other, he was trying too hard to tear me up, but I knew this wasn't real. There was only one small sane part that rationalized this scene in my mind. This Sasuke was older, with a summoning for snakes on his arm; I could see it as the battle seemed to drift closer to me. I had broken ties to Sasuke and he considered me a betrayer.

And worse, a betrayer of my promise, my sworn word! I had not waited; I had sought and I had not preserved anything for him, there was nothing left for him! I had destroyed myself. If this were real; he should be screaming at how he was going to kill Itachi, and then kill me.

_But what if he didn't know what you had become_? My own mind taunted me, but this voice seemed dissimilar, however, I couldn't help but listen. I was charmed like a snake in a basket is tantalized by the flute.

And it only needed to speak one last time before I couldn't hold back the pain any longer.

_What if he thought Itachi had forced you into this? _I couldn't help but ponder; _forced how? _It had meant to be sarcastic but not curious.

I stared at the scene where Itachi finally appeared bored, he removed Sasuke's thin blade and ran the edge over his brother's neck. With a final arc of the weapon, he thrust it through Sauke's heart, letting the blood flow. Did the lifeblood ever flow from anybody else like this? This silent, sick waterfall of Itachi's imagination?

Like cool rain it ran in drops from his mouth, a crimson river flowing from his chest, carried downwards as if it was being forced to move.

A single tear rolled down my cheek, but I didn't feel as if I were crying; I could scarcely understand this scene. More tears, more crying and pain. I felt vaguely empty and mildly disgusted. Disgusted at my own sense of relief; my promise not in vain. I looked up at the sky here; I had shed no tears over Sasuke and his brother. It was raining.

When I brought my eyes back to level, I was staring at Itachi, and he was holding Sasuke's blade to my throat, he caught my chin in his hands; forcing my gaze to his exact level. I didn't really fight.

I expected I appeared to gaze at him with a broken stare. But I was far less than broken; I was searing with rage and was struggling to contain it until I at least escaped this world of this monster.

Itachi's breath swirled hot an alluring in my face, his eyes considering. Almost as if he was battling within himself. His eyes were locked over mine with an icy edge to their fire.

"I wonder if you will feel it when I cut you up. I wonder what you will feel…" He vaguely spoke. He lifted my hand only to slice off my four fingers, a stump and a thumb was all that was left.

With a smaller, more delicate knife, he traced the remaining thumb, I watched with horror and helplessness as he decided what he was going to do with it.

A slit from the nail to the bottom sheered away the skin. Two of his fingers reached inside and tore the bone out.

So there he was, holding my thumb bone, the one without the ring. He traced the bloody bone across my lips, ordering me to suck it clean.

I was forced to eat my own blood and raw flesh. There was something completely sadistic and sexually charged in this action. I nearly growled at him; hating how I felt violated.

As the bone fell to his feet and he fixed me against a cross; restrained completely, I found one action left.

I screamed.

And like a growl of a wounded animal, or a clap of thunder, my words were angry and filled with suffering. "Fuck you, Itachi!"

He smirked and proceeded to cut open my shirt, ignoring my tattered bra and letting the fabric of my shirt nearly melt apart with the pressure, thread fel; to ground of oblivion.

And with Sasuke's blade spattered with Sasuke's blood, he cut out my stomach and made me suck my ribs, each cracked from their cage, dry of the flesh and blood.

At the end of the genjutsu, where I felt sleep teetering on my personal ledge, I stood. I still stood facing Itachi. My heart was irregular and my mind was desolate. But I was still standing.

Bleeding, with my ribs and thumb in a genjustsu necklace around my neck, finer pieces as my crown, I was still standing.

A rare, fleeting look of emotion graced Itachi's face. He whispered his verdict to what I felt had been a personal test. "You passed."

* * *

My eyes seemed to protest as I fought to open them. I won, but only barely. My entire body screamed bloody murder in protest when I tried to sit up. 

Strong and efficient hands caught my back as I started to slide back down. I looked towards the person who was holding me up and wasn't too surprised to see an exotic face half hidden by blonde hair.

"You look like shit," was the first comment he gave me. I coughed and ignored it. "So did he torture with pain, or the inescapable past?"

"Sadistic torture and the inevitable future." I groaned. Deidara looked at me with consideration.

His tone matched his expression. "Itachi is never that creative. Maybe he likes you…"

I tried to hide my contempt, but bitterness was evident in my tone. "Somehow, I doubt that."

Without consideration of Deidara, I wrenched my shirt over my head and plainly inspected my ribs, counting them to make sure they were all intact. "So what did he do? Cut open your stomach?" he joked.

I inspected the room with a critical eye, pain, barely furnished and with a tray of food on the table. I was distracted from my observation when Deidara spoke again.

"When I came…" His eyes were haunted for a second reflecting his hollow word, it seemed so out of place for this creature I was used to acting cocky and comically. "He just made me relive my family life; or parts of it."

He closed his eyes to shut out the pain, momentarily depressed. I figure he wanted me to tell him what had happened to me.

I obliged, mostly because I wanted to see his reaction when I deadpanned it. It promised amusement, and that would singularly force me to just forget it. "You tell me why he does it and I'll give you details from my little initiation."

"Deal." That 'un' sound he made had become less annoying as it became easier to ignore. "Basically, he refuses to work with somebody who is so weak they can't function after the Tsukuyomi. The only person he hasn't managed to get is leader…" He seemed a little confused. "Oh and the other girl, and Tobi-I wonder why not him."

"Oh," I stated, this made complete sense, a test or worth, I contemplated whether or not he had any clues to my ultimate weakness from this encounter. He was naïve though, so I figured not. He wouldn't be able to use it against me; not at the current time.

"Sakura?" Deidara urged.

I figured I might as well humor him. "Well, when I was young, I was in love with somebody. His goal in life was to kill Itachi."

I kept it as simple and blunt as possible, so there was no chance in lying. "He left, and I was broken, but I got darker, I knew one day he would kill Itachi and come home. And I would hate him when he did. Because he made me. Made me what I was. And I couldn't help but feel relieved when I saw Itachi kill him in the genjutsu."

_And that scared me, a little. _I left unspoken; though not denied.

"So then he sliced up my hand with the blade that killed Sasuke; and proceeded to remove my thumb bone. And made me eat the flesh and blood and wear it as a necklace and crown." I appeared to think. "…And my ribs too," Was my afterthought, perfectly timed for the reaction I wanted.

Deidara looked like he was impressed and a little scared. "Wow. Maybe Itachi really _doesn't_ like you."

I almost joked but shook my head. "It's better that way."

He sighed. "No, it's not."

"Huh?" I questioned. Here alone in plain room with only a chair, bed and table and no Itachi, I couldn't understand why it would be a problem. Besides Deidara was my partner.

"Leader says that you have a new mission. In two days or whenever you're better—" I interjected with my opinion; "I'll be fine tomorrow."

He glared and continued. "Well, Itachi has the details, but from what I know you're going to survey the likelihood of getting kyuubi and what resources will be needed when you do." He smirked. "And I don't really appreciate my new partner dead."

"So why me and Itachi? Why not me and you, or Itachi and Kisame?" I asked, not really thinking beyond curiosity. Logic was fleeting at the moment; I really did need a bath and something to eat. That certainly wasn't helping.

Deidara raised an eyebrow. "I don't know Konoha."

I inwardly groaned, and so soon too. It echoed in my brain, a little teasing and a little tantalizing.

_Konoha._

_

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_

I smirked, at least the little ANBU medic wasn't a complete failure, and she was actually rather interesting to torture. I could hear her only words in my head almost like a consol. _Fuck you, Itachi. _I still couldn't break that spirit. For the moment I waved it by. I had a mission, and bringing out more of her spirit would only humiliate her more when she broke.

And unlike that first possessor of her ring, I was more patient than any Suna redhead.

I was also smarter. Aside from Zetsu and Leader, I probably knew the most about this organization. Kisame was too dense and easily distracted, Deidara was ignorant. Sakura would delve deeper and lodge herself into the foundation of Akatsuki if she hung around, and Tobi, nobody knew what he knew. But I thought it was more than he let on.

For one, Sakura should never have been near close to punching him, and if it hadn't been planned, Leader would surely have killed the strange ninja by now.

He seemed to have a great enough knowledge of Konoha, since he had spoken such once when I overheard. His voice then had sounded composed; I had only begun to consider it could be him. At first I figured it was the girl who always hung around leader, his partner in a way. She was a mystery and more of a diplomat than a fighter.

But if Tobi had let Sakura find his ring and told her indirectly the way in to this place, what else was he hiding. Was he a spy for somebody, or maybe even one of our superiors?

The last thought disturbed me the most, and though I knew I had promised to send the Little Red ANBU after Tsunade, I would have to decide which was more pressing.

I would choose an obsession to quench my desperate thirst for a project; and stick with it.

But with one being pressing and the other satisfactory, I couldn't decide between either. So I chose both, I was smart enough to organize this, and I had a suspicion the two were interconnected anyway. I set my mind on this discovery and turn of events.

And I knew that there was only one thing that would haunt and drive me, the only burden I couldn't kill with my family.

_My name._

Because an Uchiha never loses.

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**Ok. Kudos to the person who can guess Sakura's greatest weakness, since the clues were all there. **

**At least try and maybe I'll grant you a present. Also I sent Deidara out scouting for the reviewers who wanted him. **

…

**Itachi was otherwise occupied. **


	7. Seventh

**Note: I love and hate this chapter. …but I came up with a reason for the nail polish. I've never seen one before.**

**I am back from vacation; I wrote 4 chapters of this story, 1 for high crime and 38 pages of a currently unreleased Gaara-Sakura AU. I absolutely adore it!**

**On with the chapter:**

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**TO NEVER LOSE  
**_By Reverse_

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**Chapter 7 - The Breakdown**

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"Put this on," I was thrown a set of clothes by the ever-cold Itachi. I didn't bother to do anything beyond shooting him a glare. He didn't even see it; unfortunately. The elder Uchiha was already occupied at staring out the window. I absently wondered where he got those infamous scars but brushed it off quickly. Itachi was dangerous, standing on the same side or not, I couldn't afford anything beyond professional interest.

Though apparently he could, "You are a healer, correct."

I was inspecting the clothes, "Healer before fighter." _But a more driven fighter these days_, I didn't bother to add.

"Hn." He sounded amused. I slipped off my tattered clothes and pulled on the generic ones, plain underwear and black pants. A netted sleeveless shirt, and of course the black silk cloak with the red clouds. I was unpleasantly reminded of the Sharingan, with the bloody sky, I wondered how far up in this organization Itachi really was. I carried the cloak over my arm with the woven hat held in my hand. I turned to Itachi who was already facing me.

I stood my ground as he walked deliberately towards me.

"We plan on the way?" I asked. His eyes seemed to focus better once I spoke the words and I wondered how bad his eyesight really had gotten.

The three pinwheels of the Sharingan resurfaced, probably for comfort; security.

Maybe because he couldn't even see without them turning anymore, I wasn't sure. I ignored the Sharingan, mild comfort in the fact we were on the same side of the seemingly endless battlefield. I brushed aside the living reminder of _him._

_Sasuke._

I reprimanded myself for being stupid and chose instead to ask my current partner about our mission.

"What are we there for anyways?" I pondered aloud.

"Leader wants us to look in on the Kyuubi, no capture as of yet, and I want a particular scroll." His voice was hollow, haunting. He sounded like a much older and bitter human than his age. I wondered what toll life had taken on him; he appeared so calm and calculative. He appeared cold, but he seamed jaded and weary.

I nodded in acknowledgement. "You need to paint your nails too."

Sure enough, there was a bottle of black polish that had slipped to the floor when I had dressed. I picked it up and held it as I threw my old clothes into the fire. I had discovered a small fireplace behind the table, a cavity in the whitewashed wall. However, I made note to keep my black ANBU armor and added it to my simple ensemble. I made a mental note to find a long sleeved net shirt so my armor was a surefire not to slip.

"Why do you paint your nails?" I asked in regards to the organization as I sat on the bed and unscrewed the bottle.

He shrugged.

Now I was getting a little of my spitfire personality back. It was amplified through his noncommittal answers. "That isn't an answer!" I demanded.

He looked back at me, not affected. "We use sign to be noiseless."

_It makes it easier to see._ Was likely what was left unsaid, it made sense. I used gentle strokes to apply the polish, barely letting it dry before standing up.

I took one last survey of the room, wooden table and chair. There was a wooden bed frame with a white comforter and pillow. It was plain and generic; I couldn't say I expected anything better.

I couldn't even say I disliked it.

"Are we leaving now?" I asked.

"Hn." I followed Itachi, taking note of where my room was in the hallway.

We exited the base and began walking back the way I had come; to Konoha.

Itachi unpredictably started a conversation. "I want you to go see the Hokage when we get there. Don't slip on your cloak till you have. And keep your hat off."

I understood what he was saying, but didn't understand the motive. Probably a personal vendetta, I nodded in compliance anyway. There was no need to ask, I was a soldier once more, somebody capable of taking orders.

Somebody capable of not showing emotion.

For the time being I sipped the woven hat over my cherry hair, the white silk flowing over my shoulders. The silk cloak was still kept over my arm.

Itachi and I both leapt to the high canopy branches of the trees. With the speed we were traveling, it would only take a day to reach the Village hidden in the Leaves. My home village.

We traveled quickly and noiselessly.

At one point, Itachi was at my side, traveling at invisible rates of speed, he pulled me by my waist flush against him with his own back against the tree I had been standing on.

"Black Ops on the left. The one who is leading has a black mask with a green cloud on the cheek."

"His name is Nara, he's a planner and has a relatively strong justu;" I whispered; the hush of my voice barely visible, being from Konoha, Itachi would know the jutsu of the shadow users. "He's temporarily Red; he'll be taking a Genin team in a month."

"We're sidestepping," He stated.

We stayed out of the way till the chakra signatures disappeared and we were close enough to the village that Itachi was practically forced to speak. He was the unspoken leader in our mission.

I removed my hat and cloak, handing them over for Itachi. He took the hat but not the cloak.

I folded it once again over my arm, careful not to let the red clouds show.

I couldn't understand how I could feel so much more content with this choice than Konoha. My forehead protector was still in my pocket. It was unharmed. I felt that was one of the reasons I was sent here.

Resentment and anger were already rising in the proximity in this place. I remembered _why_; I had felt like Sasuke must have felt. Out of place; I felt completely alienated. Working as an ANBU, doing all the dirty work, I felt like a criminal who was justified.

I felt wrong.

I was already a criminal when I became Akatsuki, now I was labeled as one, I felt at ease. I was what I was, there were no more disillusions. I understood Sasuke leaving for the first time since he had. Sasuke is Sasuke, and he left when he realized to stay would have been to give that up. I wondered if Naruto would one day understand.

_This is my last mission. If I return here, I won't be alive. _Those words were as haunted as my eyes, my last words to her. I fixed on my cold, critical stare. Theses words were right. To her or any Kage, I wasn't considered to be alive. Not like I used to be. I had other loyalties now.

I walked in the gates, nodding to the guards. Itachi had already made his way discreetly inside the village. I had no need to be discreet for now. It wouldn't be like that for long.

I had made it half way through the village, my eyes empty and cold. I glared lightly and dismally at everything that passed. Like a ninja carried dead back from a mission, everybody skirted away from my presence like a plague. I heard the whisper of a Jounin as regarded me to be "living past her time."

"Just like Itachi," Whispered another. I nearly laughed bitterly; sure Itachi would be unpleased to let that whisper reach his ears.

The last one hit home. "Just as haunted…"

"Sakura!" A voice called, I almost frowned in disproval. The voice sounded so juvenile, I turned to see a brightly grinning blonde.

Her smile began to slip as our gazes met and held. My expression didn't even move.

"Ino," I acknowledged, even to my own ears I sounded somber.

Her eyes spoke her pain; I knew she would never try for ANBU from just seeing me.

_What have they done to you?_ Her expression screamed. I didn't answer in anyway, my penetrating gaze unfaltering.

As if she had sparked no interest from me, I swung facing forward and walked towards the office of the Hokage. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Hinata rush to aid Ino, both wearing a broken expression.

"I know she used to be your Hero," Hinata's hushed voice caught in my ears.

_But Sakura isn't anybody's hero anymore._ Another unspoken negativity... How this place could resent me upon it's creation of me. How this place could be so cold. It reminded me of myself and two other people. I brushed it aside and continued to walk.

The walk was filled with glares and stares and whispers. I heard hushed awe from the younger ninjas and academy students when I leapt from the ground and disappeared from sight.

I stood on the windowsill of the Hokage's window. Tsunade's back faced me. She hadn't even heard me come in. I stepped down hard on the floor hard to alert her to my presence.

The expectant look on my face frightened her when she turned around. I saw her eyes widen slightly. I had told her where I was with that noise. It was unspoken that I could have killed her had I wanted.

I strolled lazily to the front of the desk, appearing unconcerned with the Hokage.

I lost my lazy façade and stared intensely into her honey eyes. I drew from my pocket my Konoha forehead protector. A kunai against the edge of the metal, my hand not shaking, there was no hesitance in my features.

"My last words to you. My promise." I spoke clearly. "For you…"

I made sure I had her undivided attention, she was not my teacher anymore, but I maybe still viewed as her student, that's why she may have been reluctant to kill me sooner. "It stands."

My hand made its own way, carving its path to split the leave into two halves.

I tied it around my forehead, I was proud to display it since the first time I had that rose colored tattoo carved into my arm.

I swept out my silk cloak before sliding it on, leaving it undone. This surprised her but I left the room before her shock became anger.

My last glance at her expression was the one I would remember her by the most… one of sheer and utter horror. Distantly I wondered if Itachi had spoken to her before I had, she had that look. The one of lost hope, I swear I only saw it on his victims. Vaguely my mind replayed all the missions I had forgotten about to retain my sanity, or the barest, rawest glimpses of it.

I had seen that face before, I had been given it. But I would only remember it on a select few. Tsunade's expression held hopelessness for herself and the village she was bound to.

I exited through the door, sweeping the halls with the general fear of the Akatsuki.

The entire street turned to me, but I let their faces slide by as I walked the street, and omen of suffering. …A testament to suffering.

The space between me and them was increased by over half. I knew where my destination was. I coldly stared at all who came to see their angel finally show her wings. Not wings they particularly wanted to see. Not white and pure, black and blue.

I glided without a backwards glance.

The back of my cloak was caught by efficient hands and my fingers protested as I pulled of a Jutsu. I restrained my attacker and pushed them into the sidelines. My hands had clasped their wrists and my foot came up to kick under my restraint to push them away.

The face turned with all its painful familiarity. He swung and hit as hard as he could, anger lacing his features…

In a cloud of misty smoke, my clone disappeared. I walked out from the crowd. My cloak a deathly warning like the reaper I had come to resemble.

"You taught me how to do it; do you regret it?" I asked cautiously.

Blonde hair and the most forgiving blue eyes looked up at me, hurt but unsurprised. "Sakura—"

"Naruto," I cut him off. Those surrounding us blanched even more at my name, and I found myself enjoying the pettiness of their fear. They weren't even worth my time.

For Naruto, a little piece of my history, I could. "My bond is broken. I've paid for my past."

_I will not leave you empty-handed._ I wanted to speak the merciful words.

"Thank-you." Those words seemed to be my personal ghost. I supposed my bonds were broken differently from anybody else. I was released my promises with two words. _Thank you._

I had no ties with either of my teammates. "Who knows what side I'll be on when we see each other again?"

"I can only hope…" He stared, silently blessing me with understanding.

I walked towards my destination. I was already making my decision, walking towards Itachi and Akatsuki, leaving Naruto behind. My own path.

Team 7 had not disbanded but moved forward, we had taken our own paths. We would follow them to the end. Two of us would add to the body count in our way there. One up us would try and bring the other two back.

I was sure that one day he would bring us both back, but for now there was no hope aside from future hope.

"There is no hope." I spoke, clearly and coldly. I continued on my walk. My choice would move forward, not fall back.

At least now I felt that it was the right choice.

But I knew that if he tried, my old teammate could change the workings of my mind.

Seeing me through his eyes; I would have already given up on me.


	8. Eighth

…

**This chapter especially.**

_**To clarify:**_ This story takes place after Gaara's revival and after the capture if the mentioned (previously) Bijjou (probably skipping a few major events that I hadn't included when I first planned this, a** long** while ago). But Sakura's personality has been changed since Sasuke left. And even when Naruto came back, she was already Jounin. When this story starts she's ANBU, for an unspoken while (quite a long while…) she had made Red Op (my own invention) seven months previous the start.

**AND: **_**you can't say Itachi is OOC since we don't know him at all except when there's expectations held over him. And we've never seen him teased/mildly disrespected by somebody he **_**can't (**_Shocking, I know__**kill for one reason or another. **_

**MY REVIEWRS; YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST, You Rock!**

**TO NEVER LOSE**

_By Reverse_

**Chapter 8- Of Scrolls and Developments**

I stared blankly at the Uchiha compound. I had never been inside, I didn't think many had. My footfalls were heavy like lids over eyes that were tormented by no sleep. They seemed to fall and move in opposition to my flight instinct; yet abruptly I continued my pace. I might feel like I was walking into the lair of a lion, but I was not so different from a lioness.

Uncaringly, or at least with that appearance, I looked left and right before deciding to vaguely move forward. My legendary flee-on-sight cloak seemed to float and I reminded myself that silk had that tendency. As nice as it was, I defiantly had a pronounced preference to rayon. Not that my opinion mattered, or such pettiness and superficiality was something on my level anymore either.

I touched my hand to my left side where I had strapped a very plain but sharp looking katana.

Itachi very suddenly appeared at my side and I very dryly commented to him on returning my hat.

He handed it over wordlessly.

"Are we here because you want something from here?" I asked. My voice wasn't hesitant, but mild.

He looked at me with what I would consider contempt if his expressions weren't so damnably limited. Most likely at my suggestion of privacy, "I had the urge to acquire an old family scroll. It is likely just rotting here."

I rolled my eyes. "One that could help repair your eyes?"

He paused to glare at me. "What do you know about that?"

I smiled; a little twist of my mouth. It was defiantly filled with maliciousness or sadism or perhaps both. "I'm a medic; part of the job is recognizing the problem."

He was silent for a moment and I faced forward. "Can you fix my vision?"

I wasn't even all that surprised. I made a humming noise, considering. His left hand latched with an iron grip onto my right arm and he spun me in a lock to face him. "Answer the question."

I mostly ignored the picture it made and tried harder to infuriate him. I had a feeling making him angry might become an eventual hobby. "What's for dinner tonight?"

My mock cheerfulness pissed him off farther and he shoved me into one of the walls of the deserted Uchiha homes.

I clamped my hands around his wrists and concentrated my still affected chakra reserves on shattering them. Unfortunately he jumped back and I only managed to barely snap one, he wouldn't mention or acknowledge something so insignificant. He began walking again, obviously knowing what house he was planning to stop at. I walked behind him, not bothering to catch up, but merely keeping my same previous pace.

"Seriously, you feed me and find me a place to sleep and…." I suggested, giving an unseen jerk of my head, at the moment I was all and pure attitude.

"Girl!" His growl was a literal warning. I pursed my lips and looked at him with an almost critical expression. It was defiantly on the edge of disproval somewhere.

"Well, compromise with me." I shrugged; I really liked to push the limit these days. Flirt with disaster, walk on fire, and tango with danger, so matter how you put it I liked to _push it._ Maybe it would be my ending sometime; if so, probably soon.

He glared. "I don't do compromise."

"It's not always all or nothing, get over yourself." I argued back.

"For me it is, I never lose." He stated calmly. I hated how he could state it and believe it completely non-fiction.

I shrugged; I seemed to do a lot of that lately. People were exasperating lately. "It's only your eyes…"

"You can eat dirt and sleep on the floor for all I care."

I knew the perfect counter to this, regardless of the pain the reference might cause me. "You can go blind and not recognize your brother when he tries to make good on his promise."

He defiantly made a habit out of his little phrase. I wondered if somebody had constantly called him foolish when he was a boy; and if it might not be a term of hate and distain. I wondered if it might be an odd symbol of endearment. "Foolish little brother."

"Foolish Itachi Uchiha, stubbornness will be his downfall." I made my own repetition.

He looked at me, considering maybe. "You are not the first to use that context."

"I guessed as much." I shrugged, this time in dismissal; probably for the first time.

"You can find food in the village and I'll see about a room here you can sleep in."

I glared at him.

"With a bed." He spoke.

I smirked at him. "Not so bad was it? Sometimes you have to compromise. Bad Itachi thinking he can always kill his problems."

I almost heard his growl, but he reigned himself in. He really did have pretty decent emotional control; he never slipped with expression or words. But even he wasn't perfect.

"Usually it works. It would be impossible to say you were ordinary." He said; a statement of the fact. His voice was dry and very nearly jaded.

"Boy, you should wish I was ordinary." I stated coyly. Offhandedly I added: "I'll take a look at your eyes tonight, find your scroll it might help me out."

"Everybody here already knows us both. It's to hot for a cloak." I also noted; I slipped the silk from my shoulders and folded it over my arm.

"This building here is where we will stay. Go find food, and then come back here." Itachi stated as an order.

I resisted the childish urge to stick my tongue out at him. He was almost always impeccably silent, or impeccably polite. I started to wonder if he had less boundaries around me because my expectations were lower. And I had very much displayed that attitude. I wondered if it made him find me easier to be around, or something. "Does it make you feel like the dog of Akatsuki?"

_Yeah, like a real bitch._ I bitterly wanted to reply.

"Not when you're the one going to end up playing doggy, boy." I rolled my eyes. He gave me a piercing stare.

"Been living like a prince for to long? I don't care if we starve." I pushed past him. He had opened the door to the house and I was damned if I didn't take advantage of his momentarily stunted intelligence. Another afterthought; "I could care less if you starve."

I was pinned to the wall again. I just looked at my captors face. "Not many people can get away with talking to me like that."

"Like what?" I whispered with a trickster's enthusiasm. This was the best fun I'd had in months. Maybe even years; again with the _damned if I give this up._

"Almost like you're more than an acquaintance, like you want to be family to me," He clarified, almost wistfully. His voice was a thousand miles back.

Maybe it was on the day that was a complete change in everything; it affected my life more greatly than any other event probably ever would.

He killed his family. …Leaving only one survivor. Though both Uchiha's had the same stranded eyes.

He killed his friend.

"What if I'm not a friend or family?" I asked, completely truthful.

He looked confused, a child lost in an adult's interpretation of something big, God maybe, or the universe. I would savor that look; it was something that made me almost feel half decent about him. After all, hating him for his crimes could only be useless, wasteful and _hypocritical._

After all, I was nothing else if not a murderer.

"Then what are you?" He finally asked. His Sharingan faded; his eyes were a smoky black, obscured by almost-blindness.

"If you can't see colors but you can still see shapes, do you still hope you can be saved blindness?" I riddled him.

"Hope is for fools."

I had said there was no hope, Itachi said it was for fools and Naruto possessed it.

He may be a fool; but I thought me and Itachi must be bigger ones.

"Then I can be whatever you want to think of me as."

His stare was intense. "I'm trying to imagine you six feet under. It's not so attractive."

"Sorry boy, only the sky is higher than me…" I laughed bitterly, back to the ease of earlier. It was strange to be conversing with somebody whose sadism was as fleeting and severe as my own. But I'm not sure mine was quite as violent.

"Oh, and your ego." I nearly laughed contentedly but I doubt I would ever get to that point.

He grimaced; it was so strange seeing him so free from the Akatsuki and the expectations of others.

I knew this was a rare treat. "Join me and get the food with me. Cause I ain't bringing any back with me."

He made a face of complete refusal. I continued, "Fine I will. You give me the softest bed then."

He shrugged; "Then you'll have to _share._"

It was a threat, a complete threat. But I wasn't going to let him win.

"Alright, just don't snore." I replied, probably more confidently than I felt. I almost felt manipulated.

He let go of my shoulders, sensing correctly that this talk was decidedly over.

I strolled out of the house, counting the number and noting the placement from the gate. I put up my face and mask; I couldn't afford to show any of the personality I'd displayed so casually in front of Itachi. _That's different. _

I knew danger and I seemed to be exposing myself to the whole range. Itachi was dangerous, dangerous to be constantly pissing off and dangerous to get to close. He was the very definition of risk. And I was dangerous; to myself and almost everybody else around me. I had no doubt that one day Naruto would be captured and seeing his angelic face had charged something within me. My dept was not repaid. My bond still existed; I could never let him know.

It was strange that Itachi was the one I took out my strangely teasing emotions on. Stranger still that he complied, he even went along.

Maybe we both just needed something to preserve our humanity. Maybe we hadn't realized the effect we had on each other.

I stepped out on the street. I looked down; I was wearing my basics, I left my cloak in the Uchiha house, but I had my hat in hand. I gently placed it over my head, the white rayon tassels covering my cherry colored hair.

I defiantly knew better that to bring back something disgusting just to watch Itachi's face. Talk about getting bitten in the ass later. That would likely be lasting and painful. Well, it would be if the food was as disgusting as I knew I could find.

Distantly I wondered how Itachi would react to ramen, after I settled him down enough to eat it. It was almost comical, and distracting. I barely noticed how the street seemed to part like before; I would however know if certain chakra signatures were too close. I checked my katana at my side; just in case. I really had an attachment to it; ANBU had made sure of that. Itachi would probably make fun of me for it later.

As I walked the market, vaguely scanning it for a teahouse, I ignored the looks that were shot my way. Fear was etched in all of them, a head-turning, instinctual terror unspoken behind the eyes. I was only an object of mass destruction.

Three figures moved rapidly to corner me. Two others stood farther off in the back. A regular ANBU formation. The chakra signature on my left flank was recognizable.

"The only one here I know is the leader." I stated. I had strangely not recognized the other ANBU. "I'm just passing through."

"Akatsuki promise trouble." The one directly in front of me spoke, his white cloak fluttering lightly, he wasn't really the leader. This leader preferred to be inconspicuous, but personally I thought he was just lazy. Always had been and I would know.

I chose to stare at him as I answered the fake leader's questions. That trick would work on anybody but me. "Red Ops promise trouble… are you going to chase them down too and make sure they stay on the right path?"

"Are your shadows spattered with blood yet, Shikamaru?" I lightly dropped.

I heard a hushed, scared whisper. "She can't know that… how…?"

"I've changed."

"You have," He agreed. "But the difference isn't in alliances; from the moment _he_ left you gave up connections. So you retained humanity..."

"Funny how I seem only to find that among my own kind."

"Own kind?" He laughed mercilessly.

I shrugged; a familiar gesture. "I am a murderer Shikamaru. I just used to murder people for you and Tsunade and Naruto and this damned country. Now I can murder who I want to or need to."

"But to find humanity finally, among criminals." He spoke, his tone questioned my sanity. I was as sane as Itachi; just as sane. We really were more similar than me and Sasuke, just like I had said so long ago in response to the Black Op's statement; 'Of all people you compare me to _his _bother?' It wasn't a bad thing; it might be a true thing. But the ways we were different seemed to oppose in characteristics so extreme we seemed to match rather than clash.

"I changed on that day." I spoke, dark, even tones lapped like tidal waves under my initially calm tone.

His mask was not even there to my eyes, I could imagine his expression, as if he were playing shogi or go, or watching the clouds. Considerate, open to all the possibilities. "We only ever speak of that day…" He paused, considering again, the mask lowered like a bow of the head, maybe apology, and maybe guilt. He had kept his squad in the dark for to long. He always felt guilty when he fumbled on missions. Or he used to. I doubt he had really changed all that much.

"Sakura." He finished. The response was immediate. Ever mask focused on me, every katana was held by the hilt, easily palmed to draw. I removed my hat calmly. My jade eyes observed the situation. _Troublesome._ The shadow user would say. They really didn't realize how strong I was.

"How smart is it to fight me, really?" I shook out my strawberry hair, pink to the very roots. I was like a tiger crouched and ready to spring. Sudden battle instincts overtook me and prey was the only word to describe the ANBU in my eyes.

A voice filled with an inferno of calmness and authority halted my visionary bloodbath. "Stop."

It was only one word. I never realized what kind of effect one word could have.

_I'm nowhere _near _the heart of the plot. So if you are still confused, it will be resolved_

_later. _

_Again: _Review; _just speak away. _


	9. Ninth

_Juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands_

_Drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, Romeo_

**I thought that little quote from My Chemical Romance's The Sharpest Lives was appropriate of Itachi and Sakura's relationship. **

* * *

**TO NEVER LOSE**

_By Reverse_

* * *

**Chapter 9- Fleeting Sanity**

* * *

"_How smart is it to fight me, really?" I shook out my strawberry hair, pink to the very roots. I was like a tiger crouched and ready to spring. Sudden battle instincts overtook me and prey was the only word to describe the Black Ops in my eyes. _

_A voice filled with an inferno of calmness and authority halted my visionary bloodbath. "Stop." _

_It was only one word. I never realized what kind of effect one word could have. _

It wasn't anybody I would have expected it to be. It wasn't Kakashi stepping in, or Naruto, or Tsunade. It was somebody whom I hardly even knew, and not Itachi. Shizune walked towards the fray.

But it wasn't her voice.

Beside her, proud and calm was Hinata Hyuga, standing tall on her own. "Think Nara, she hasn't made any move to attack Konoha, and she's Akatsuki, I've never heard of one traveling alone."

He nodded, his mask bobbing twice, as if it were a direct order. I noticed how Hinata was respected by him as his squad seemed to shrink away.

She looked at me then, no smile on her lovely face. She was completely calm, emotionless even when Shizune beside her looked horrified.

I managed to compose myself, control my insanity, or rather, cage it. I could feel it though, the thirst to kill. Almost like a drug-addict I was drawn to the violence.

I had a feeling she could feel it too; the byakugan was a gift of insight after all.

"I won't apologize but I will ask you to let me be your escort," She spoke diplomatically, but I could hear the order behind her words. This was no friendly escort, it was surveillance, and she was a jailor.

"Hn," I found myself using that tone. I guess what it really meant was '_I know what you are really saying' _and I was certain she knew it too.

She sighed and I began walking again, leaving Shizune to go report to Tsunade. I kept my eyes open for a teahouse, abruptly turning when I found one.

I installed fear in the server's eyes but Hinata smiled reassuringly and they went to fill my order.

If she wasn't there I probably would have just threatened them… Maybe not though, that wouldn't encourage them to do a good job. I've noticed people respond better to kindness than torture, I had experienced it. I seemed to forget often enough.

Hinata turned to me as we waited and I knew she was going to speak. "Naruto still has hope, even though what you're part of is trying to kill him, he still has hope."

Her eyes relayed her worry and admiration for him, even though I didn't know if they were even more than friends. "Naruto will never lose hope."

She challenged me, "But for you, should he?"

I gazed at her, our eyes were locked and unbreakable, both full of a fierce non-emotion. A fire behind the calm, "No," I finally spoke. "He should have hope; I may be able to save him yet."

Hintat looked hopeful herself, and pained. The server brought out the food I had ordered and I tossed him the payment, taking the package into my left arm, my right free. Just another habit I had picked up on in my life.

We began walking through Konoha again, "Who's going to save you?"

I smiled menacingly and she paused. "Shikamaru says I'm '_to far gone'_" I laughed haughtily, aggressively telling her his message.

"But in the end, I'm going to save, or rather salvage, myself. My current partner might help; he's really not so bad." I shrugged.

I was standing in front of the Uchiha compound, at the gates where I knew Itachi considered a monument to another life.

Hinata paused too, thinking, most likely that I was thinking about Sasuke. "Who's your current partner?"

I shrugged, staring out into the compound, mentally counting how many buildings there were till the one I was staying in, and how long it would take me to get there.

"Go report to Tsunade, say I threatened you, and you escaped unharmed. Then say I disappeared." I stated, wondering if it would come to a fight, I needed a good fight. Itachi might have to be the one I took that urge out on.

She stared at me, my sudden change in tone alerting her battle instincts. "Why?"

I glared, "Because if you follow me any longer I _will_ kill you, Hinata."

She shrugged, "I think Naruto's right to have hope."

I glared at her, my mood already declining to kill instinct, she ran as fast as she could, she was gone by the time I swung to face the gates and this time I entered them.

I walked slowly to the building I knew was where I had been before. There was no need to knock, I just slid the door open and walked in. Itachi chose that moment to throw twelve kunai at my head. I already had a kunai in hand and reflected them, fluidly moving to send all of them away.

I couldn't see him from where I was so I wondered if it might have been a trap. My mental note of it was made and I walked carefully to put the food on the table. I really wanted a fight now. My instincts were reeling from the kunai and when I heard a footfall on the floor about three feet behind me I wasn't hesitant.

I rushed, charging through the air to kick Itachi, he blocked with his hands and I spun in the air to aim for his side. My hit was minimal, but it landed. I listened very carefully, trying to keep my eyes closed for most of the time but he was silently deadly and more often than not I had to watch for him.

I growled as he kicked my side and I hit the floor crouched to spring. I aimed for his chest and spun at the last possible moment to strike his shoulders with my palms, he was pushed back through the wall. My mind demanded he weep blood for making me feel so much pain, I shrugged it off and waited as he got up.

He just glared at me. I shrugged as turned to walk back to the table. I could feel him moving behind me, I detached a kunai from my belt. He hit my back with his foot and I gripped the Kunai in my teeth, turning my head to the left while blocking his hit.

Itachi had enough speed to rush in front of me and immobilize me against the floor. His hands pinned mine above my head and his calves crisscrossed over my thighs.

My kunai was still at his neck and I let it make a scratch before I spit it out. "I'm not sure who won." I admitted.

A few drops of blood rolled down his throat and I watched them with fascination, resisting the urge to taste it.

I wondered if it would be any different than anybody else's. I wondered if Itachi had a black heart and if it would affect the taste. I wondered how I had become this blood thirsty monster so recently when it used to just me a thirst to the fight, I was becoming more and more savage.

Somebody had better save me soon. "Control yourself," Itachi whispered.

I pushed him off me with the last bit of my strength and stood up roughly. "It's accelerating; I think it's my proximity to you."

He looked at me with an eerie consideration. "What is?" He demanded.

I laughed out a choked howl, "Rate of madness."

"I know how to stop it," He whispered. I was confused. "How?" I almost pleaded.

"Let go of whatever's haunting you." He advised. I smiled warmly, my mood changing abruptly like it seemed to these days.

"Don't forget it, don't try. Accept it, and move on." He glared, as if I was holding him back, but that wasn't right. I was holding myself back, not him. I wanted to strike out, lash out at him again, but it wasn't the same as before.

And I realized what the bloodlust was, it was a thirst for Sasuke, it was the anger and grudge I held against him and a substance the exact shade as his eyes. I would have to let go of Sasuke, my own personal ghost. And this time I couldn't attach myself to anyone. Not if I wanted to survive. Part of my mind welcomed that idea but I fought it down with my only weapon. And that's what I would have to attach myself to, hope.

I would have to have hope.

* * *

"Come here and eat Little Red Op," I heard a voice command, but the order sounded gentle and I found myself wanting to know what Itachi clung to so stubbornly. The nickname didn't pass by me but I was unfazed. His tone though; I couldn't help but notice it couldn't be madness or revenge.

I couldn't help but notice, in his own way; he had hope.

"What made you kill your family?" I questioned. I didn't sneer, I just stated it, I had done far worse to my family than just kill them mercifully, I had made them live with a ghost for a daughter.

Itachi glared, I just shrugged. "I'm not forcing you to answer."

"That's the worst part, I try to understand you but I can't" He sounded angry and at the same time, puzzled.

I smiled reassuringly. "Whatever, fine," I grumbled. "Can I see your eyes?"

He nodded, reclining on the bed we were sitting on. There really was only the bed or the floor. It was the only bed in this house. I leaned over and closed my own eyes letting my chakra reach out to examine his Sharingan. Behind the pinwheels there were three tunnels for the chakra to leak into, one was fine, the second had never been used and the third was shredded. It was affecting his vision.

"You're missing an evolution," I stated. "Before the Mangekyou, your off balance, I can repair it partially, but not permanently till you have it."

He sighed, "I assumed,"

"Huh?" I asked quietly.

He handed me the scroll he had come here for, I pressed my lips together, glancing at him before opening it.

The title was too long faded to read properly. But the washed out illustrations held up. They showed the three tunnels of the Sharingan and which ones needed to be unlocked to form the last one, a fourth one.

"I think you halted the development of the second when you went after the third," I whispered.

He shrugged. "We all make mistakes." I wanted to say _not like yours,_ but my mistakes were just as rotten, just as bad; they had damaged me physically and mentally. Joining the Akatsuki was not a mistake, and even though I had made mistakes, I hadn't formed any regrets.

"I have an idea, it will be painful, but your chakra control is better than most, and you are a medic."

That startled me a little, but I calmly looked over to him. "It will probably be imposable for me to find anything about those last two Sharingan, and you're more useful than Kisame," He continued.

"Of course, if you like headaches…" I slyly interjected; he glared and continued. "And your eyesight is perfect; I'll be in the dark in two months." I nodded, the last part was true.

"We exchange eyes." He stated.

I was reeling. We would trade our eyes? That was something I never would have thought of, but I wanted to consider it.

"So I would be able to use the Sharingan, and you would be able to see?" I asked, we both got something out of this.

He nodded. "When?" I asked; I had enough chakra to do it.

He checked my chakra too it seemed, "Now."

Itachi was eager, eager to see the world in more than just shapes and colors, I wouldn't argue, I was eager to be able to use what he always used as an advantage against me. And I knew somebody who had unlocked the second stage of the Sharingan, he might still be able to help me. Itachi would see again though, he would become a dangerous killer, more dangerous than he was. At the same time, I might be able to hold a weapon to him if he turned on me. I'd be his equal in some ways.

And my chakra control was perfect; I'd be able to leave it uncovered if I wanted. I nodded.

I lay over him, my entire length pressed against his, purely professional. He told me to take whichever was easier, I chose the right, and it was more damaged and would be less painful. I cut the blood vessels and sealed them with chakra before sliding back his eyelid and removing his eye. He grunted with pain though I ignored it or fear of messing up my work.

I used my own chakra to channel it up to my eyes and seal my blood vessels, I found the three chakra tunnels behind my own eyes, I noticed how it could easily fit to mine. The Uchiha's had not adapted their chakra tunnels to form their eyes, but rather their eyes were adapted to their chakra tunnels.

When I was ready; I drew up my left hand to slide it under the lids and remove my own eye. It hurt like anything else but I couldn't mess up my concentration, and I couldn't close my hands tight like I wanted too. I pressed my legs, which I had unconsciously moved to straddle Itachi, into the bed with pain.

I carefully positioned my right eye to fit into his right socket, pinning up his eyelids with my thumb and little finger. My index and middle finger fit the eye in, matching it first up to the blood vessels, then to the chakra tunnels. I unsealed all the vessels; something started to happen but I turned my attention to my own eye replacement.

I repeated the action with extra care of my chakra tunnels, making sure all three matched up. I pulled my eyelid over to completely contain it as I shifted higher on the bed to do the same for Itachi.

I slipped over his lids and then paused; my jade eye was twisting with his chakra, he blinked and the regular three-pinwheels of the Sharingan stared back at me before I saw the conection. His chakra had adapted my eye to his natural Sharingan, if he ever got the other two naturally, it would adapt to. I was too tired to be in shock.

I unsealed the chakra tunnels in my own eyes, but I had made a miscalculation; there was still some of Itachi's chakra in the eye when I transplanted it.

My eyes closed and I fell straight onto Itachi's chest, limp as the burning set in. I couldn't help it this time.

I screamed.


	10. Tenth

_**Hmn. **__It has come to my attention that Itachi has four main stereotypes to why he kills his family. _

_1. He's crazy. (This is my favorite, if it's believable.)_

_2. He's sane. (Yeah right…) and he just happened to kill them all to test his strength. _

_3. He wanted to save Sasuke or somebody he loved from harm. (Usually this is a plot twist)_

_4. He's just plain ob__sessed with power and they stood in the way, creating him plans, giving him boundaries. _

…

_And then there's my reason. _

* * *

**TO NEVER LOSE**

_By Reverse_

* * *

**Chapter 10- Kiss with Cruelty** **

* * *

**

Pain shot through me abruptly and cruelly. I knew it was Itachi's chakra racing through my system. When it finally started to calm I moaned and tried to sit up.

Itachi just stared at me, making no move to help me up; I knew him better, he wouldn't.

I sat on the edge of the bed, trying to feel my own chakra to see what had happened. My eye, my new one, was completely normal except for the already frayed chakra tunnels of Itachi. I could only see out of one of my eyes. The other, my right, was too dark.

I felt for Itachi's chakra but it seemed it had blended with mine. My chakra wasn't as cold as it normally was. It was still cool, but there was an acidic type of undertone in it. It was not something that could be fixed.

Unfortunately, I knew I couldn't talk to Tsunade; however there was one Kakashi I believed I might be able to talk to.

"Itachi, can you see now?" I asked; I was sure that I had gotten the blood vessels lined back up. He nodded, but this time it seemed it was in awe.

I watched carefully as he stood up and examined his hands and his body; then he turned his commanding gaze to me. He stared openly and didn't object since he had never seen me and that he probably needed my face for his bingo book.

"So how long do I get to walk around like this before you flip and decide to kill me?" I asked; sarcasm coloring my tone.

He laughed, rough and low and edged with malice. "We'll see,"

I shrugged and rolled to the other side of the bed, lying on my back as I adjusted the pillows and covers. "You don't scare me as much as you seem to think you do."

"Are you not afraid to die?" There was an edge, a fear in his voice.

"No; I'm existing past my time anyway. Whatever I'm doing can't be classified as living… I'm not afraid to die." I realized what the edge in his voice had been. "But you are."

He sighed and laid down on the other side of the bed. "No, but I wonder if I was supposed to live like this, waiting for my brother to kill me. I thought he'd be faster."

"He lost interest for a while, something distracted him." I stated calmly. It was hard to remember him, but I had accepted the past and knew not to tamper with emotions. I knew to extinguish them.

"What _could_ distract him; his path was clear."

"Not all family is in relatives." He left it at that.

I wanted to try something, I fastened two hands tightly to my pillow and flipped it over to hit Itachi in the face, he jumped out of the way and I brought the chakra in a steady flow to my new eye, the Sharingan flared up in it's level one stage.

Everything was clearer; I unhooked my simple black katana and swung up to meet Itachi's two kunai, blocking me.

I spun and slashed, I knew what move he was going to use before he did so we both went out of our way to invent new ones on the run.

I pressed him down the stairs and into the room on the first floor; he fought me until I was forced to leave through the door.

We reached a stalemate on the ground.

My katana was pressed against his neck, his kunai held at my heart.

"We could kill each other right now." I suggested, lying underneath him.

He grinned. "We could." He looked intense, and I needed something to put him off balance, fuck, I _wanted _to win.

I curved my back as I leaned upwards, pressing my lips against his. I tried to kick his kunai out of his hands but nothing changed from before.

He held the kunai in one hand as his other came up around to wrap around my throat. I knew what he was doing; I placed my katana in one hand as I kissed him and clamped the other around his moving hand. I was not going to let him strangle me.

My turn, I wanted to say against our moving lips. In-between the rubbing and licking; I caught his lower lip in my teeth and bit down hard.

The blood flowed between us. "First blood; I win." I whispered.

His eyes had caught a look of lust at the flowing red blood and he leaned down slowly to lick the dribbles off my chin, not even pausing as his tongue passed over my lips.

I tried to remain as still as I could. I maneuvered his kunai away in a fumble of all four hands as he made my katana disappear along with them.

Manacles were formed, I held one of his hands at the wrist and he mirrored it and held one of mine. Unable to get away, both of us.

I was as still as the grave as he leaned down and bloodied my throat, biting off a moan as he licked and sucked at the edges of the cut.

Once again; even I believed he had won. He had, essentially. Blood leaked from a far more lethal position than his lip. And I had just granted him a new weapon.

"Vampire, Itachi?" I asked, breathless for a multitude of reasons.

He didn't answer. He chose to back off and leave me on the floor. _I didn't kill you did I?! _His eyes conveyed his message and I became ever more aware of his love of theatricality.

Though he appeared motionless, expressionless, unaffected… he had quirks that spoke his own language for him, and they were exceedingly theatrical. He let you know what not to do.

"Fine," I glared at him viciously, though my voice was deadpan from being repressed of emotion all these years.

His nose twitched subtly, the equivalent of a dark chuckle; _for now._

* * *

"I knew you would come here." Naruto was sitting outside the door. "And I knew you'd use the door." 

If Naruto knew me well enough, I would be able to pull this off. "Then why am I here?"

We were outside Kakashi's apartment door. "Because you can't help it, you need people, Sakura." My name was only a whisper. I fought to deny it, but I did need people; I couldn't lash out at him for being right, once again. It was the most surprising feature of Naruto; sometimes he was right.

And he was sad and hurting; but there was a secret behind his eyes. I could see the peace instead of the fire. I had only seen fire since Sasuke left… nothing but closure for our last teammate could bring him that.

I was not so lucky.

"You found Sasuke." It was a statement.

He looked unsurprised. "Yeah. Do you want to talk to him? Maybe it'll cheer you up. Maybe it'll mend your heart."

It was such a Naruto thing to say; but it was said in such carefulness and thought that I had to wonder how much Naruto had to sacrifice to get here.

"My heart isn't broken Naruto." I denied it, he started to look up at me, and I closed my eyes, hiding not only the jade but the onyx secret too. "It's black."

"One day I'll bring you back too. It might just take a little longer." He left, and I paused; I needed to give him something to understand. I needed to see a little fear of me, fear of what innocence can grow up to be.

"Naruto?" I asked, turning to study his face. He looked back at me with a kind of sadness that's hard to describe. His eyes were darker underneath, a beaten-down look to his usually brilliant smile, or a smile that used to be brilliant. It didn't take him long to see though, he usually wasn't one for looking at appearances; he looked first into a person's eyes.

One green eye stared at him, empty and unafraid yet clearly broken; my past.

One black eye looked at him, yet didn't see, it reflected my words I guess. …My words about having a black heart. But it could be red, could be alive when ignited by real emotion.

"I'll still get you back." He whispered. And I wanted, in my heart to believe he would, and I despised that idea to my core. I decided on the safest route; to simply eliminate Naruto from my mind. I wouldn't think about him, nor spare him any of my time. It would be as if he was dead to me.

And to me; he was.

I didn't knock on the door. I opened it carefully, aware of possible traps. "Kakashi?"

I called out to the dimly lit room. "We need to talk."

He walked into the room and I couldn't say I was surprised; he didn't look at me with that caring, forever calm expression. He looked at me as if expecting a fight.

"I'm not the red op you're thinking of." I stated letting my statement be taken both ways. "Sasuke would just kill you, no pause, he probably wouldn't succeed. Doesn't he know you were a red op for six months, till you discovered this annoyance called a conscience?"

I sounded bored, letting Itachi's influence color the theatricality of my speech; mocking.

He still looked poised for battle, his unflawed forehead protector straightened to reveal his eye; similar to mine. But he would have already seen that part. "How did you know?"

"To go after the Akatsuki you have to be higher than ANBU, they're the reason the red ops were created; I suppose. Well that, and to kill off ninja's who go like I did, I assume."

More theatricality, more props. I knew; Sasuke, was back in Konoha, and it didn't hurt to think his name, I was bitter about it though. Bitter over an old teammate; who followed my path closer than he should have. How long till Tsunade decided to send him on a mission to kill Itachi? How long before Itachi decided he was too strong to live?

"Why is one of your eyes…?" He trailed off _seeing_ I guess.

I glared at him. "We need to talk."

He nodded, businesslike with out any of his usual cheer; there was worry somehow in his features. Maybe we had all drifted away; but I could tell he was taking the very seriously.

"Itachi Uchiha and I switched eyes. The right one; he was going blind and I wanted the Sharingan." I stated, usually I wouldn't even give anybody this much, but I'd give information so I could take more, Kakashi didn't know enough about the Sharingan to understand fully.

I didn't tell him that my chakra had taken on enough of his to make it darker, sharper, and maybe even stronger. I wouldn't tell him that my Sharingan used as little Chakra as the Uchiha's because it had been transplanted properly.

"The second natural stage; you have it, I need to know how." I stated.

He looked a little shocked, but composed himself neatly. "For Itachi?"

"I don't do things for others; I don't do things for anybody but myself." _I wouldn't go out of my way for him, you idiot. _The words I spoke were merely shadows of their true meaning.

He seized me up and I half expected him to shrug as if saying _true enough, I guess._ But the situation was more serious than that.

"That's just it, Sakura." Kakashi shook his head. "You have to find somebody precious and protect them. That's the only way to use it naturally."

I glared at him. "And unnaturally?"

"Itachi would know." His expression was still intense; I could feel that he was trying to turn me against Itachi. He was trying to make me think Itachi was with holding information. "I'll ask. He'll tell me, of course, suspecting I'm stupid enough to do it the first time around like he did."

Kakashi appeared genuinely surprised, so I continued. "And the Mangekyou…?"

My voice was suggestive; Kakashi took an offensive stance, though I didn't appear to move even to his sensitive eye. "I want something to hang over his head. Sooner or later we'll come after Naruto." Neither was a lie, but my interpretation was separate, neither piece connected, two random facts.

He looked at me with sincere fear at the mention of Konoha's number one ninja at surprising people. "And you want to save Naruto?" His voice was an octave to high.

I scoffed. "No."

He looked crestfallen and though I didn't care, I needed the information. "Naruto can save himself if he wants to that bad." Still, my voice was cold as ice.

And from the look on his face I deciphered the worry; Naruto might not want to save himself.

I knew better, and formulating a plan to stay the criminal I was, find some salvation for my old ties and unlock the second level. I knew that the bonds I had thought were broken were still threads, and I needed to make them into ropes now.

But I also knew I couldn't do that. So it seems I would have to do the one thing I had vowed not to.

I had to form a new bond.

There was something appealing about taking that punishing way to the second level, but I was going to beat Itachi at his own game. And he was the player and the judge.

My smile was sinister; but at least it was real.

* * *

_Well that turned out interesting. I'm losing my touch, I feel. Honestly PLEASE give me some constructive criticism and ideas before I go into a writers block over this //)shudder(// awful chapter. _


	11. Eleventh

**With school and homework dominating my life, I've had less time. Also this chapter is mostly a lot of boring explanation. **

**This chapter is the turning point, but don't worry Sakura isn't going all saskue-kun! on us….eww.**

* * *

**TO NEVER LOSE**

* * *

**Chapter 11 - The Changed**

* * *

(_Naruto)_

I stared wordlessly at Tsunade, for once having nothing to say. Sure I've changed since I brought Sasuke back, but we've all changed. We changed when he left too.

Proudly, I still declared myself to be the next Hokage; and I still met with Iruka for ramen. Sasuke was always on alert as what he was, higher than ANBU, always waiting for a word that Itachi was around. Sakura always used to be the one who questioned me, pushed me farther, made me stronger; and gushed over Sasuke with her romantic ideas. She wasn't what she had been. Mysterious, dark, with a body count beyond what it was recorded. How many people had she killed in seven months of secret service to the Hokage?

I thought about it as I left her office. Did I want to be that Hokage? Could I do that, be that?

Yes.

I wondered if it made me horrible.

"Thinking? That looks painful." I heard a familiar voice. "It can't be anything important, moron."

Sasuke hadn't realized what he'd done to me, broke away all the happiness. I didn't even protest; just settled back into my thoughts. That startled him, though I knew it wouldn't show on any feature of his remarkable face. "It's actually about Sakura; why don't you pay her a visit?"

"Have you lost your mind, idiot. Why would I want to see her?" This was the first anybody spoke of Sakura to him, I remember the Hokage ordering it. One month, since entering Konoha, he had believed her to be on a diplomat mission of high importance; h had never cared to question.

"I don't know," I yelled. "The Sakura I saw last is part of an organization trying to kill me!" My anger was getting the better of me.

"What?" Sasuke blinked, before growling. "You are going to tell me everything and yo are going to tell me now."

"Not on your life you bastrard, you want to know what happened to Sakura? Go read the stupid Red Op file!" I growled in return, I couldn't handle this. "You made her like that in the first place!"

"She was annoying." He reasoned, shrugging.

I laughed mercilessly; I didn't know what else to do… Why couldn't I have both of them, the Genin team 7?! "But she kept us together! We were supposed to protect her! We failed."

"You said she was still alive." Maybe Sasuke's emotions just didn't cover this point, but he was sounding very accusatory right now.

"Yeah! She's alive, with a body count higher than ours will ever be and part of the Akatsuki!"

"How could we have protected her?!" He was angry, no doubt his mind had already moved on from the word Akatsuki to Itachi.

I wanted to scream and yell and threaten and try to beat him for saying it, just like the old times. I fumed, but I heard the words. It was the first time I really heard his words today, instead of just the tone. How did you save somebody from themselves, when you don't even know that they're going to go bad?

* * *

(_Sakura)_

I knew something was different today. Whatever had happened with Itachi and me yesterday was erased as non-trust settled in. I had slept on the floor of the kitchen, refusing to be close to him.

After I had arrived back to this little nameless building in the far from nameless complex I had found him staring at a scroll about the sharingan, I ignored it, I wasn't all that interested in the second level if it worded off weakness.

I had decided that I would rather be strong and stand unwavering than try to form a new bond. I needed a new bond, had to form a new bond. But I wouldn't, not now.

It had been his words though, looking up and hiding the scroll from view, could see the dangerous glint, a challenging stare in his eye. It was the look reserved for knowledge of future satisfaction; likely someone would die soon.

"Leader wants us back, has plans." I nodded. There was that surface ice again; and I knew why I had it too. Off mission we were less of ourselves, less worried about living to see another day. We didn't have an objection; sufferers of our own boredom. Now there was a goal, and we were reminded of our names under shinobi. Reminded that we were only tools who took lives…

Itachi found more enjoyment in it that I did, but that doesn't mean I didn't. If it was a child, I would think of the pain I was saving them, the lesson to their parents. A shinobi, I was finally ending their mission; they should be grateful to have me as their killer. I was far more merciful and honorable than Itachi, my gift of deaths less humiliating my tally of defeats less impressive. I hadn't lost until I had gone heads up against Itachi.

Us leaving today would mean I wouldn't have to meet the new Red Op. Sasuke, that is. I didn't want to meet with him when I knew so easily the pain that was asking for. I remembered so vividly the days Naruto and Sasuke and I were part of Team Seven, a squad of young ninja's just barely old enough to tolerate the work and responsibility. As a result we grew up too fast.

No, Sasuke was already tired and jaded beyond his years when our team was formed. Naruto ignored the fact he should be growing up and I clung to the only childhood memory I had; Sasuke.

I didn't want to grow up like that but I had chosen it. Sasuke was the one I had clung to to keep that childhood in place. Keep the memories. I remember my parents telling me about one day I would fall in love with a boy and that he would love me to, and we'd get married and start a family. I was really young; in spirit and body, and Sasuke was never mean to me then, so I came to the conclusion that I would marry him one day. Sasuke connected me to my best friend, if anything, solidified our friendship for the years we would spend apart.

And the crush, the jealous-fangirl mixed with admiration, the most fake and t pitiful part and the one I clung to the most.

But I did grow up, despite my protests and hopes and efforts, I very much grew up, I did develop feelings of Sasuke, but it was different now. I still wanted to be an angel; his angel. But when I was young I wanted to be his angel of happiness, one who could make him smile because he seemed so sad inside. When I came to know him, I wanted to be his angel again, I wanted to support him and protect him, more like a guardian angel. Because being Sasuke looked so hard, I never realized that it might actually be hard to be Naruto, I never realized that until much later, and in a small but easily dismissed regret, I wish I _had _known.

And now, now that he had returned to this place where we used to be so innocent, all with blood and tears streaking our hands. I still wanted to be an angel, their angel. Save them from myself.

Deidara had called it; one fucked up angel.

"Red," Itachi's voice broke my reverie, his nickname for me right now not anything too offensive, he had a way of commanding respect well enough you didn't feel slighted by his names and still knew that he thought you were less than him.

Maybe people would have read Itachi's file and said he was antisocial. He was cold, but he was social, he understood every complex tone people used, knew when to speak up and when to stay silent. He commanded power, but he wasn't faulted in his ambition.

He knew what he wanted and he figured out the best way how to get it.

I stood up and tracked his voice easily, up the stairs to the main bedroom of the Uchiha house. Itachi was seated sullenly in the frame of the large window; peering out dismally at the street as if he hadn't destroyed this entire family, his entire family. He looked proud, and worse, he looked like he belonged. I noticed that it was raining, so light it barely mad a sound. It seemed symbolic, it was saddening. I noticed rather than felt that it should be sad.

I was too old to believe it was the heavens crying, too jaded. But maybe this one time, I could imagine it washing the red from my name. No, I was to dirty for the rain to wash it away.

He stood up and I knew he wanted to leave. There was something fluid about his motions.

I followed obediently as we fled back to the Akatsuki, there was calm in his step that hadn't been here before, I believed he may have found something to steal the kyuubi with.

As much as it frightened me, it excited me; I knew that soon, soon this would be over. I had a choice to make, and I was making it. I thought I had lost my heart when Sasuke walked away. But I didn't, it may be black and twisted, but I had seen things, I had seen what happened when the demon is removed.

There were two problems now; I considered as both me and Itachi bypassed ANBU routes on our way out of here. I wanted to get Naruto out alive and I wanted to stop the power from getting to the akatsuki.

It sounded so noble even if my reasons were anything but.

No, it wasn't noble to hold a grudge against your old friend… to want to make him suffer and live through it, to watch as his world changes and crumbles like mine did. I said I'd save his life, but I didn't say how. And the spirit inside Naruto? I wanted it dead. I needed something to blame.

As much as I wanted to blame the Red Ops, I couldn't. Even Tsunade had never encouraged this, Naruto was the most innocent and Kakashi, I suppose, didn't know what to do.

"Keep up." A warning came from a few meters ahead; I increased my pace and calmed my irrational mind.

The Red Ops. It still kept coming back to them, but there was only one reason why the Red Ops had come into their active, elite, secret existence. That reason was running gracefully in front of me.

The first Red Op, before the post had a title or a rank, he did the dirty work. Some reports say it got to him, how his family celebrated him as he tried to wash the blood from his hands, I understood that speculation. I was empathetic. Other speculations say it was his best friend, want for power, annoyance, and even suffering with his own boredom. Even as they grew less likely and less likely the question was never really examined. I had come to the conclusion that it was part of a series of events so horrible that nobody even wanted to ask the question.

When Itachi did go rogue, the response was a secret elite ANBU squad of nine variously useful talents and jutsu. They never came back alive.

It was not history that was to be known, it was a piece of information that could sew fear into the harshest, most resilient animal. I only knew because I was initiated into the unit named in their honor. Always functioning with less than nine members, we were masters and slaves to and of the craft. It stole our lives as we ruled its world quietly from the top.

They weren't Black Ops, found quickly so the bodies could retain village secrets. Black ops would have been less organized…. in the most disturbing way.

The bodies were dragged into the center of a battle-force created jutsu. Itachi was patient though, and probably still had his subtle drama.

When the sun hit them and the bodies were found, they notice. Gently painted over everyone's eyes was red… blood.

Within months of cover ups and failing to completely isolate the case a new type of squad was brought up by the Hokage.

A unit in honor of the nine blooded shinobi. Standing before the Hokages' desk it is unknown if their were four or nine.

All that was certain was that unless you got up and turned your back on the offer, your life expectancy had shortened drastically.

I wondered if I still fit in that category.


	12. Twelfth

**School makes updates slow. I apologize, but thank you for your enthusiasm toward my story.** I hope to increase my update speed. I apologize for any discouragement to read on that bases. I also apologize for the slight death/hell obsession, it's just they have all this time to think and they're not a happy bunch...

I'm only pleased with pieces of this chapter...meh...maybe i'm losing my touch.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Naruto charactors, places, etc.

* * *

**TO NEVER LOSE**

_By Reverse_

* * *

**Chapter 12- Untraceable**

* * *

"Lag behind and I'll leave you behind," It wasn't a warning. Itachi was certainly not considerate enough to warn anybody. Just like his rare words to his predestined victims, '_you will die,'_ it was only a promise. 

Despite being known for ulterior motives, his promises were deadly and definite. "Lovely," I commented dryly as I sped up my pace, relying on chakra to propel myself what I knew would be the last mile or so of the journey. I could tell by the smell, it smelt like every plant was decaying, like rotten flesh around every turn. I nearly shuddered at Zetsu's proximity but reminded myself of how bad we all were.

Fucked up angels, that's what Deidara had said, how right was he?

Itachi threw a kunai directly at me, probably for my charming company. I jumped out of the way and ignored it. I didn't even increase my pace, matching up to his as he sped and slowed like an animal trying to shake a deer. It was spastic; he hit the trees with his hands occasionally; most of the time just barely hitting the lowest level of the canopy.

I could see why though, and started being a little more careful myself, changing even strides to untraceable ones. Our path would be increasingly difficult to track and we were to fast for any Konoha ninjas to catch up.

I felt a familiar signature, welling with power, only a few miles behind us.

I could see the mischief and arrogant triumph in Itachis' eyes. …Just a flash before he landed on the ground and I followed him.

Sometimes you can't count on people.

Naruto, we had lured Naruto out, that's why me. Sure I had skills but my loyalty was frayed, I was bait. I was bait for my old best friend and I was angry.

The oddest thing happened; we waited. We waited and Itachi sighed in displeasure. The signature was not getting any closer.

He had stopped. Maybe bringing Sasuke home had changed and matured Naruto more than even I would have ever imagined.

Even from here it seemed I could feel his chakra, insane in strength and retrained rather than tamed. Held by his iron will, and his supple heart; a beautiful angelic heart that beat furiously beneath his chest, shortening his lifespan by three minutes for every one held with that chakra in power. It was an evil, sadistic, fear-and-awe inspiring chakra. Chakra that had made Naruto hated and feared, powerful and slightly egotistical… And beautiful, for what power could ever be as fantastical, mythical, and legendary as that of the king of demons? Is there another lord in hell? Even the heat….

The chakra surged and at that exact moment both I and Itachi recognized it, him by experience and knowledge, and me by exposure. The summoning spell, for a toad, and likely no other than Gama Bunta himself.

The heat of the power became real as every tree for a mile and a half was burnt to dust, less than ashes. My finger tips had been singed as I pulled away, leaping out of the line of fire with a surge of chakra that may have caused a small crater. The depression would not have been alarming to say the least.

If nothing else, Itachi looked like he was enjoying himself. His Sharingan eyes gleaming with a predatory glint worse than even the legendary fox's mischief. He was imagining something. I distantly wondered if living so often in that imaginary world of the Sharingan had completely altered his mentality. Changed his morals so they were too insane….

Another burst of flame, and an equal eruption of water, I checked to see who had joined the party, since I doubted the Uchiha would bother with such things.

Surprisingly though, it was the Uchiha, copying one of Kisame's techniques.

More flame, then nothing. No water, no chakra signatures. Not even Itachi's coal and jade eye spinning into the oblivion of the red bloodline.

It was like rain after a year without it. Everything paused, everything cooled. Itachi stood up, I followed him gently away.

Nartuto would be standing, less than two miles off, being told once again that he couldn't retrieve another from the Akatsuki.

"Red," Itachi prompted as headquarters came into view. He demanded attention like a god draws from subjects, immediate. Immediate and competent, I knew I was slipping away, my usefulness already beginning to fade.

I had to keep it from fading; I did need to stay alive, for a little while at least.

"Are you still angry with your family?" I asked. Itachi didn't even look back.

"What family?" he countered my question with his own. I didn't bother to look for the affirmative or negative in his voice, I couldn't see anything of his eyes and his tone carried no expression. Only a dead tone drifting to my ears….

* * *

Headquarters here was a different one that the one I had originally been sent to, this one was closer to Konoha. I was pained to notice there may be significance. 

I brushed it aside; any feeling from this point to the next was futile and would only interrupt my ability to complete my missions. I stilled my mind considerably.

There was nobody here in this base, just Itachi and I. There was only one day left till our mission ended and we were to be met here by the other members needed for the next mission.

That next mission was going to be trouble, I could sense it.

"I was never angry with them to begin with," There is a trauma behind Itachi's eyes, the pain of knowing exactly what it is and what you've lost. The pain of wishing you could regret it so you wouldn't be so easily justifying what went against your morals. Or whatever torn individual threads were left of your unpracticed morals; replaced easily for bloodlust and for insanity.

"Why not?" my voice sounded like a beg coming from any other person and I wondered why he didn't regret it, or feel more about it.

"You don't need anger to kill" He stated. "Not if you're strong."

I glared at him. "Strength is relative."

His only remark was a sneer and another kunai. Despite whatever anybody had said the Uchiha had emotions, unbearable and unpleasant and superficial, but still emotions.

"Do you believe in heaven and hell?" His voice was smooth as silk yet still as menacing as an enraged wolf.

Standing in the middle of the forest, a short distance from our destination, I still felt the need to argue. "If there is a hell I'll be your escort."

"So loyal," He began. "Does that mean you get to go first? I'll gladly send you there."

His vocal tone was automatic and thoughtless, words said for words, not meaning or emphasis. These words with anguish in their meanings becoming a habitual speech pattern; how far down would we spiral in this nightmare?!

I snorted, contempt in the undesirable action, "I've already sent myself."

His trademark "Hn." …Annoying in its provocative meaning, telling nothing and forcing you to reevaluate yourself.

"We are here." He stated, the lair of stone and mortar and pain spanning in front of us with the putrid stench of death. I was used to the smell.

"Would you go with me to Hell?" I asked.

"I would follow after." He whispered. I already knew. _No._

I pressed on, relishing the rare conversation with sadism that would be shoved away as soon as we entered the halls of Akatsuki. "Would you find Hell with me?"

"We just arrived there." His words though were a praise to the evil as we pushed pust the doors that were worth their weight in stone and supposed emotion. This was it, all emotions, all sense of anything but loyalty, order, and duty were left at the door.

Even the sadomasochism was pushed aside for the higher cause, even though even the mission reeked of it.

The sadomasochism was the common interest, the precious stitches that held a wedding kimono together and kept from revealing the beauties of the bride. After all, there may not be beauty but these metaphorical stitches certainly masked the horror.

There was pain in these halls, I decided. But instead of shying away, we simply relished it, embraced it with blind acceptance.

Because it was easier to accept than acknowledge and we all knew deep inside that the pain was our own.

* * *

(_Itachi) _

She asked so politely I almost said yes, I would of course that I would find Hell with the little naïve ANBU. But I wouldn't, I found it years ago, I created it, became it.

I was hell and in this twisted game of hide and seek the martyr played, she had found me.

I had a reason now to kill her, every reason in the world. Yet I didn't. I wasn't confused, but rather curious, there was no explanation for why she wanted so badly to be dammed and yet I still wanted to know.

Compelled, I wanted to discover her secret, the thought or resolution that pushed her beyond her limits, retaining compassion among vampires who fed from it. She was rapidly becoming an infection within the blood of us, pure poison yet nobody noticed.

Alone I wanted to discover that incredible secret, for only one reason.

I wanted to break her.

I wanted to see her scream like my little brother and vow to kill me because that was understandable. It was annoying and weak but that way she wouldn't bother me. I could ignore her like every other in the world.

But I still wanted to see her world come catching down on her.

I wanted to know what she meant as her being an escort to Hell…

Damn. It was time to tell the Leader that I had a good feeling about the Kyuubi and we were going to finally make a move. This needed to end; now.

* * *

_(Sakura) _

"What is it, Deidara?" My voice sounded thin like the strain on pulp for paper, diluted and worn and hardly worth thinking about.

He was leaning with his back against the hallway wall, I was standing in the doorway to the kitchen imitate, his expression had shaken me to address him, though I had neither respect nor care for the more easily manipulated of all the Akatsuki. But I suppose every organization requires a scapegoat, the weakest link.

"What happens when we die?" He asked, simply, with his voice reaching melodious bass notes to gentle for a terrorist.

I shrugged. "We are in pain; and then we are not. We stand and then we fall. We die; that's what happens."

"I mean, uhm, like after." He clarified, "Yeah, after we die. Then what?"

"Hmph," _I don't know, and I don't care. _

He sighed, higher notes echoing with uncertainties and insecurities. "Do you think we get to live again?"

"Does it matter; it doesn't change what we did in this life." I whispered harshly.

"Sometimes I wish we could…but most of the time…" He sighed, dismissing me with the finality of the last sentence. "Most of the time, I hope not."

"I hope there is nothing."

I walked away. Nothing I could say would be useful, helpful or anything but idiotic. But I had a terrible tower of lies that was my life; Deidara had a chain gain of explosions at his feet. Itachi had a symphony of screams and cries, begs and pleads and harsh words. A complete orchestra of terror.

But Naturo, he had all of the lies, the screams and harsh words, all the explosions of power, he had everything we had gotten and he had turned out to be the purest of all.

I couldn't change, I can't change. But a touch of purity, all that I had left, I would give to save him.

Lest I be swallowed into the deepest pits of hell. I owed him that. Didn't I?

I knew, then, I would never fall out of dept, not even with death.

"Little Red ANBU, we are leaving in three days, after the kyuubi, and if you don't assist I will personally see that you die."

I nodded, hearing Itachi's voice drift behind me, deep and unemotional, unwavering by any personal conflict or interest. The perfect Shinobi, bent beyond rational, or so affected by reason that his morals were rewritten to this shell of a soldier, an instrument of pain, a mascot for death and betrayal.

So now I had vows to save Naruto, just Naruto, I could sacrifice anybody else, and I knew the one person who could play my hand for me so well that I would be remembered even if I when down. Would be, if anybody realized it was me.

I had the timing, the resources and somebody to take the fall for me both in the akatsuki and in Konoha. Everybody wants to be feared or respected, but the leaders; they always take the blame or the downfall. But Itachi… he was a decent partner, and he could affect my plans with just a breath.

"Itachi," I silently whispered knowing for a fact he would have left already, hanging around being of consideration or the useless and foolish, something he prided himself not to be. "Does anything matter to you? Do you want to die?"

The reply was menacing and unexpected. "Am I meant to die?"

I still couldn't conclude whether I found him inspiring or repulsive.


	13. Thirteenth

I know that this story was bound inactive for a certain period of time, a long period. I apologize. I cannot truly say that there is no chance it may happen again, it may, things happen. But I didn't start this story to not finish it, and until the last words are written, I may find solace for my mind in writing them, even if it is because I simply do not wish to feel a failure.

And there are likely errors in spelling and gramer...i have not writen anything is so long...

Unfortunatly my old computer with all my files (and the next eight chapters to my story tomboy and the plotline for this story) crashed. Apparently I fried the motherboard from... overuse? So I will have to "impromptu" parts of the plot a fair bit from now on.

Also, this chapter is mostly nostalgia, me trying to get back into my usual place. Let me know what you think.

* * *

Chapter 13

The first day was agonizing in a peaceful way. Like white noise, I'd rather it was not there, but I learned how to tune out and ignore the tensions. I had packed, all my supplies, all my nesescities, for the one last mission. My last mission; I humoured. ...Though I suppose it was doubtful that that would be the case.

I had just survived too much, seen far more than I ever wanted, and by now was getting tired. It may be a relief for me to find, in three days time, that Naruto was stronger than we ever thought. Was stronger than we ever believed he could be. Then I realized I was using the word 'we'... who even was 'we'? I guessed that my subconscious was filling in for everybody, because nobody had ever believed in Naruto the way he wanted to be believed in; unconditionally.

I wondered if anybody had ever believed in anybody unconditionally, or really ever loved anyone at all. There were stories, of men whom traveled into the realms of the dead to search for their lost lovers, the dead ones. There were always three perils they must face, each more horrific than the last. The striking similarity of these perils and my countdown of days did not escape me, but the irony could no longer entertain more than a grimace. These perils were usually one of strength, conversation, and trust. They seemed such simple things to be horrific, but the strength test would nearly fill the hero, the conversation test would always leave the hero in chains, and the test of trust was usually failed. Though it did depend slightly on who was telling the story.

Bright, sunny Ino would sigh and whisper whimsically, and they lived happily ever after. Naruto might speak that they lived out the rest of their days in peace and nobody ever tried to hurt them. I would simply say that it did not matter.

...Because it didn't matter. It really didn't. A man does not travel into the depths of hell for a woman whom he unconditionally loves. He goes to relieve the pain of guilt, the pain of not knowing, and the shame of her dying. For the woman he unconditionally loves, he whispers, so softly none but she can hear; _I will never forget you. May you find peace. _And he does just that, he lives happily and openly... and he remembers his lover, tells stories of her to the people he knows. He meets a nice woman and takes her as his lover, and he is happy and he loves this new lover in a way he didn't love his first. Because she was always his first and she was different. And he remembers her.

He remembers all the warm nights with her at his side, and he doesn't miss her and he doesn't pity her; he never curses her. His second lover speaks of how she would love to have met her, but he doesn't compare for they are each their own. He loves and lives with all his heart and he remembers her.

He doesn't exist.

I know this, though my mind conjures this image that I know I never really thought about. And I couldn't care less because it will never come to pass . But even in the darkest corners of my mind, there are small candles, imaginary candles, but they shine a little light nonetheless. They make everything a little more interesting, because they are so impossibly hard to snuff out. And it may never be said that I did not try.

I tried.

* * *

The second day came slowly, like the creep of water through a dam. I drifted from the walls within the room that I slept in. Simple overbearingly white walls housing only a plain bed and a table; the only interruptions in the mind numbing white were the dark russet of the exit doors. There was one to lead to the bathroom, the other to the hallway.

I chose the latter, leaving the madening walls for the equaly horrible hallway, footsteps echoing as i slowly walked toward the kitchen.

The kitchen was the area that the food was stored and prepared, and food was likely a good idea. It had been a while since my body had digested anything proper. I supposed that my semblance of life was greatly dependent on it.

Though my sanity was not, it seemed. The kitchen was not empty though the niose level barely hinted such. Itachi was sitting at a table, his attension deeply occupied by a scroll of pacular nature, I could see the bright stamp of the Uchiha fan from where he had his back toward me. There was an uneaten bowl of some type of noodle dish beside him and a cup of yet-unmade tea. The small bag of herbs still rested beside the cup, dry, untouched.

"Are you even planning on eating that, Itachi?" I asked, my voice stable and void of any real expression.

"Hn," he said, sounding unaware to anything I had said, but I knew he was listening.

I shrugged, figuring he wouldn't even answer if he didn't want it, and set out to make some rice for myself. I would not comment on his inability to converse hospitably, knowing full well he would consider such a thought of mine to be of a small accomplishment. "Have it your way," I shrugged.

I could almost feel the smugness from where I stood at the stove, measuring rice and water, with my back to him. "I will." He said simply, a ring of finality in his tone. For him this conversation was over.

I wasn't willing to let him slip into science that easily. "Would you care to inform me on your plan for this mission?" I asked. Salt and butter were added to my water-and-rice concoction in the pot. "I wouldn't want to accidently sabotage your plans because I was not informed."

"You will be on the sidelines."

I turned the stove on to cook the rice. "No. I will not."

He turned to glare at me as I turned to glare at him. "You will not get in my way."

I growled a low throaty type of bitter laugh. "No. I will not."

He seemed only slightly satisfied with my answer. "You would make a good distraction against this opponent."

I turned to stir the rice. "Which is why I will be the one fighting him. He cannot hurt me as easily as he can hurt you. There are emotional barriers that exist within him." And within me, I entertained. I knew that I would have trouble truly dragging Naruto into this experiment of torture and cruelty within humanity. "I will fight, you will find a way to neutralize him. You are a medic are you not?" He challenged.

_Find a technique that can successfully neutralize the Kyuubi and his holder. _It was a challenge that I could not find the will to resist. Itachi had issued his insult with a personally drive. I was a medic, was I not?

"No, I am not a medic. Not in the sense of the word. Medics heal the wounded, use their techniques to save lives. I am a shinobi with the skills of a medic, I do not heal or help, but simply do what all shinobi do." I stirred the rice idly, wanting to see his reaction with a mild curiosity. "I exploit every of my powers for my side. I heal my teammates, you, Deidara, Kisame, I heal those whom others call terrorists; myself included. And I fight and I kill those whom we call oppressors. ...The people who would oppose us, who would cage us though we are already caged. To be a shinobi is to be caged and tied and beaten and raped."

"I am a true shinobi, I can disappear and reappear and fight. I can kill in the dark and still walk with pride in the light. I still survive, I will until somebody kills me. It is a useless existence."

My rice was nearly ready, I searched for bowls and found one to my liking. I retrieved chopsticks and poured myself a glass of water.

"It is an existence." Itachi stated. "Do you wish for more?"

I smirked. "No. I know I'd make the same choices over if I didn't know what I knew now."

"Then why even think of it." It was a statement not a question.

"Boredom."

"Hn."

The rice was not as sweet as I had expected it to be. It was a sad day when life turned out exactly like a bowl of rice, not as I expected it to be. ...but I never said I was disappointed.

* * *

The final day before our journey descended into an atmosphere unique to the previous days. I became increasingly aware that there was nobody else in this base anymore. Only me and Itachi to haunt the building, silent as ninjas without a hometown, even a ghost would be louder. And a ghost may share our sorrow still. We both were waiting for death, and not for a glorious one either. I hoped to be killed facing Naruto, though I know it would not happen. My destiny would continue to weave as tiny pinpricks of emotion tried desperately and relentlessly to break into my metaphorical heart. And for what?

My long pale fingers traced the mark of my red smoke, a permanent reminder of what I had chosen. Itachi would have carried a black one, still would. There are very few ways to get rid of a tattoo like this one, it was part justu and resilient to scaring and marring. I flickered on my eye to the sharingan, feeling how the chakra moved easier to my eyes after more practice, the sight no longer made me dizzy as it had to turn it on and off earlier. The imminent progresses of my sharingan would have to be put off. I know me and Itachi had entered that bet, trying to find the second stage one before the other, a contest to see if it was better the Uchiha had kept his sharingan. If he found the second stage before me, I believed he would take back what he had given me in exchange for a semblance of normal sight; his eye.

I checked my belongings to make sure that everything I absolutely needed was packed for the short journey to Konoha. I abandoned my thick cloak of red clouds for the touch of air on my bare skin, I found it in my interest to shower, wash my depressing thoughts from showing in the dirt on my uncared for skin. The hot water scalded and refreshed, the soap soothed and washed off any sign of dirt, exposing my scars and fading bruises with a formerly inexistent vibrancy. I turned off the water and left my hair to dry wild and uncombed. A quick glance in the mirror showed of the glowing pink that had faded to a dull rose with neglect, I wasn't sorry. The pink stood out too much, and it made it near to imposable to become anonymous, if not invisible.

I dressed in basic black with my black armour, leaving my coat on my bed. I knew I wasn't supposed to take it off but I couldn't care less at the moment. I was coming to a realization. I didn't care if I lived or died. Not really. But little Hinata, hopeful, strong, beautiful, quiet Hinata cared if she did. And she cared if Naruto did. They had something to live for better than a million skeletons in the closet. They had each other, they had others, and they had dreams and achievements and company. I had nothing to lose. She did though, and so did he.

I used the smallest amount of chakra I could to summon a small snail. The snail sat on the floor with a wary look. I leaned close to whisper a message, my ears perked for a sound.

"Tell Tsunade that Itachi and I are coming after Naruto tomorrow. Tell her be ready. He is the last of the nine." My voice sounded broken to my own ears though only the slightest of emotion coloured my practiced, even tone.

As the snail disappeared I left my room for the library down the hall. Predictably Itachi was sitting on a windowsill, his outward attention focused on the script, though I knew he would have noticed my entrance the moment I set my foot into the hall.

"Were you always this fond of windowsills?" I asked politely.

Itachi didn't even look up from his scroll, arrogant bastard. I seated myself in a plush chair within talking range, but also within a range I could anticipate his movements if he were to make any sudden threatening ones. "I find that I would rather see the enemies that come to hunt me down that hear them knock on my door."

His voice carried tones of the past and I did not let it be my place to ask. Oh no, I wouldn't ask, but I could still be antagonizing without the form of a question in my choice of words. "The hunter so easily slips in with the hunted, they are not so different after all."

I growl was my reply, a slow and drawn out, deliberately hushed growl. I smirked and let it prove my point. "Nobody is all that different from anybody else," I continued. "Though we like to think we are. It could be considered some kind of tragedy."

"We preach our goals being misunderstood, our lives ...misunderstood, but we don't even stop to try to understand others. And the world falls into war and we make our actions to be tragedy"

Itachi shook his head ever so slightly at my dainty conversational tone. "No Sakura." He sighed, a mockery in his words. "You mistake a tragedy for hypocrisy."


	14. Forteenth

With each story I write I try to find a 'theme' or a way of writing. I have written a stereogram in my short story 'I will follow you into the dark'. In "the Arrangement' I wrote according to a type of thought-process, so the chapters are very long, because thought is very long and complicated.

This story is a strange kind of story; it is written like a poem. Or I like to think it is written like a poem, the last lines always haunting, and each chapter alike in whole but very different than the last. I'm not sure if it turned out that way but that was an intension of mine. It cannot be said that I didn't try. I am sorry that this chapter may seem so disconnected, it was written recently (except the epilogue that was written July-‎30-‎08, nearly a year ago.) But I needed this finished.

Also would like to clarify; Naruto is not weak, just emotional; I hope that it doesn't come across as weak, his strength is understated by everything in this chapter, I feel.

Anyway; without further ado:

* * *

**Chapter 14**

A small bird fluttered from my window, bearing a message. A small black bird from Suna, it would arrive in Suna the day we took Naruto. It couldn't be said I stood and did nothing as my former best friend and teammate was stolen away into the dark clutches of an organization composed entirely of evil. But it couldn't be said I tried very hard either. I just felt Gaara should know, deserved to know, that his first friend would suffer a fate so similar to his own. …Regardless if the bird actually made it or not.

I grabbed my light pack and left my room, Itachi stood outside the door. I knew he had seen the messenger bird I had called, but even he wouldn't question my antics. He probably wouldn't even question my sanity. I liked that about Itachi, it was almost as if since he had a secret agenda, he believed everyone else did too. He never really underestimated anybody. Vaguely, in the back of my mind; I wondered if he knew about the snail I had send to Tsunade.

We walked side by side to the doors, an odd pair. I had chosen not to wear the traditional Akatsuki cloak, rather loose black clothing and the hat for my hair. I felt a hand grab my arm as Itachi sought to fix that, handing me my cloak. I didn't want to wear it, but this was not a time to argue. Later, perhaps, if we lived through the week, but not now...

"Itachi, there is a feeling in the air, a rather foreboding sense lingering here in the fire country, is there not?" I spoke, conversational tones masking the real question beneath the words. He said nothing as he held the Akatsuki base's door open for me. I sneered at him and he ignored me. Not that that was anything new.

The time spent traveling was hardly worth the mention; we became creatures of the night in the broad horizon of day, shadows of our material selves. The forest seemed to whimper in our wake; the wind in our faces, begging us to turn around. Turn around and leave now. But we didn't.

The gates of Konoha did not bow down to its former assassins, but neither did it prove an unfortunate encounter. Itachi stood on the sidelines as I crept into the place once my home, my chakra was masked, my footsteps unheard. There was something to be said in the predictable antics of one blonde jinchiriki; and I found myself appalled and fascinated by the solid routine he kept. Naruto was sitting at the ramen stand. Alone this time; for whom else has he left? …A few old teachers, no teammates… no team.

"Naruto," I whispered, as if I couldn't help myself. I reached out with my fingers, hidden against the side of a building, as if to draw him in. I removed my cloak, placing my hand on my hat to make sure my giveaway hair was covered; I approached the ramen stand, my feet making soft noise on the floor, and ninja, but a friendly or unskilled one. As I sat down I mentioned "Miso" to the girl working the stand, she would see nothing unusual in the request.

"Naruto," I whispered. He startled and looked over at me, in the blink of an eye I removed the glass beads from my hat, just in case. "Eh?" He questioned, "Do I know you?"

"Naruto" I must have discovered a sick obsession with whispering his name. "It's me; I finally found him. I found Sasuke… But I can't beat him."

I made no attempt at hiding my voice; my melancholy tone coloured with the natural soprano that he would remember as my voice. "Sakura? No…" He may have grown up. His voice was even, in tone and volume "You are a missing nin now too."

"Naruto, you needed to stay here, but I knew. I knew Sasuke would follow Itachi, and now he has, he is near one of the Akatsuki bases. We could finally bring him back, and then we'll all be together." I spun my lies into an enticing spider web. "I was a special breed of ANBU, I could only enter and spy on the Akatsuki if I was a missing nin. I did a good job, ne?"

I laughed, to assure him, but my laugh was bitter. "Naruto we need to go now if we want to catch up with him."

I watched as his eyes furrowed "What if we meet up with trouble, I'm gonna go talk to the Hokage and assemble a team."

"There isn't any time. I want to find him; and I'm leaving now. This is Sasuke!" I started to get up, but Naruto had grabbed my arm.

I had hit him where it hurt, where he would feel it for the rest of if life if he walked out of this mess feeling anything at all. "Okay."

And with that I bolted out of the village, him following eagerly behind, the guards at the gate tried to stop us but recognizing Naruto and hearing me call "Late night training, be back in an hour!" Seemed to make them think everything was okay. Personally I thought they were just stupid and lazy, I was planning to cast a genjutsu when I decided they were unworthy of me wasting my chakra on when I would need it later. Itachi would stay behind us, near the village to see if we would be missed, and of course to follow us back to base, a cat stalking the mouse, I was only the bait in this tragic, hypocritical metaphor. I could see the side of Itachi's accuse of hypocrisy now, Naruto would use me, to find Sasuke, but I would use him first as a meal ticket; a ticket for power, and maybe freedom.

The base where the King of Hell statue stood was only two days from Konoha, though this was a definite secret, on a roundtrip from Suna, and not knowing the shortcuts, it was more. I could feel Itachi in the distance as we travelled this distance. It wasn't because Naruto wasn't powerful enough to sense him, but rather I was so fine-tuned to his chakra that I could feel it at unbelievable distances these days. He was, of course out of both our ranges.

My conversations with Naruto as we stopped and started our journey were all carefully constructed of genuine real and unquestionably fake smiles. I smiled as I spoke of how we would finally all see the face underneath Kakashi's mask. I couldn't call him Kakashi-sensei in my own mind; he was someone I had outgrown. I laughed bitterly at how Sasuke was still technically a genin, hoping Naruto would feel safe with me, at least enough to follow, that was my job. I was a good ninja, I did my job.

"Sakura, I think I see, him, over there--- look! Sasuke!" He supplied. What he saw of course was a set genjustu of Itachis'. I knew he would be drawn into the image of an irate Sasuke challenging his infuriating elder brother. I did not see the image, rather an entrance to a cave, and the only dept I never really paid bounding off and running toward that dark entrance. He never knew what hit him.

Kisame's sword would draw out his chakra, a weak genjustsu keep him sleeping. And there, lying at my feet was the product of my trust used as a tool; an invention of my final dark and maddening deed. I felt my own soul spiral beyond the pits of hell that the Kyuubi container had lived through. My own soul would find a place in hell beside that of Uchiha Sasuka, the Queen for the King, the only people to betray the sun. Naruto truly was the sun, brought down for the time of the red dawn, the brutal Akatsuki, his face would be the one forgotten when the last demon was pulled from him, in the days from now, I felt that the demon would be the only one remembered. The demon was the only face I wanted to remember, the only one I deserved. I could not shoulder the memory of the face of the angel being moved to lie at the ground in front of the bound statue. The covered mouth and chained hands of the King of Hell conveying a message of true peace. _Speak no evil. Do no evil. See all evil._

"Let us begin." The voice of the Leader sounded about the walls. Suddenly the world stood still, time stopped, but only for a moment. We took our places, to wait, to let our chakra be pulled from us, to suffer in silence.

At first there was a feeling of spiders, like insects crawling on your skin. The feeling of an innocent child caught doing something wrong; guilt. I may have been the only one still able to feel it. Naruto would call it hope, since I once said I never felt anything at all. But actions speak in volumes louder than pitiful words, and I was not taking it upon myself to act. I was not doing anything worth doing.

I wondered what we would do with this at the end of all things, I could feel the Kyuubi's angry chakra battling not to be caged anew, I begged a distraction, and voiced my question aloud.

The response was instantaneous where it mattered, Itachi's eyes flashed over to my form and stared with discontent. Deidara whined, "Who cares, yeah?" And the one person who would be able to answer the question truthfully didn't. The Leader did not even acknowledge me. I didn't care anymore though. All I wanted was a distraction, and I found it staring at Itachi's blank and yet enduringly emotional eyes. So much anger boiled so deep beneath that it didn't even touch the surface.

"What will you do, Sakura?" He asked… I knew his plans; he planned to finally let his brother find him. The day that the Akatsuki was done with this sealing wound be the day he finally took up his reserved place in hell. I could always be wrong though, He was Itachi, and if I was betting on this, he would make me lose.

I needn't search long for any answer. Not today. "I will make the sun rise in the sky, in exchange for one more star." I wondered if he would figure out my metaphor. I wondered if this would be the last thing I ever spoke aloud. I could feel the chakra of many ninja of the Will of Fire outside the entrance to this place. They were chomping at the bit to charge… "Itachi, Kisame, delay them."

But we were to be overestimated; the entirety of chakra the Kyuubi was ripping from us was causing a strain on the clones meant to delay. Konoha was expecting a great fight; we had not put ourselves in place for a great fight. Not yet. The statue would be nearly complete soon, and we would have some kind of strange untold and untamed alien power, a power I knew nobody truly deserved.

As the once fledglings entered the area, breaking down the walls and tearing through the distraction clones, the statue was unveiled to their eyes. But it was all over. They had taken too long, their beloved Naruto lay at the base.

They were expecting a huge display of power having arrived too late; expecting something more horrible than can be imagined. We all watched, in an awestruck terror as the statue began to move, the members of the Akatsuki mixed in with the members of Konoha Shinobi as first the fingers of the statue came to life.

"Isn't it stunning in how fucked up it is?" I whispered to Itachi upon noticing his comforting proximity. His answer was not disappointing. "A true portrait of a lady."

And as it moved, it began to decay, rapidly. The hands crumbled at the overload of power was finally complete, there had been something wrong in the sealing, it was too fast, the chakra had not been refined enough to be contained. And as the statue crumbled, our final enemy was named right before our eyes.

It looked down at the body of Naruto, thirsty red eyes mocking. I recognized my mentor as she stole the body of my former teammate from the before the grasp of the giant beast. Kyuubi no Kitsune stood in all its glory before this ragtag group of soldiers. "I will not be caged." Its voice echoed and growled, the final pieces of the King of Hell Falling at its feet; shaken loose from the deep snarl. My lessons kicked in, and I dodged the flames that came pouring from the things mouth, dousing us in a small river of lava. I kept my eyes from wavering from the form of Itachi, watching as his ninja instincts kicked in and he fought to subdue the raging beast. The sky was on fire with the sight of its tails, and I was forced to watch as Itachi dodged, making seals as he went. "A Uchiha!" The tone of the beast was accusatory.

The severity of the situation was enforced as the jutsu seemed to bounce off the beast; I hear screams of pain reach my ears, and from the corner of my eye I saw my teacher hunched over the body of Naruto. I ran to her as she fell, I knew what jutsu she had used. It was the only one that could be used in these kinds of situations. It was a life giving, life taking jutsu. I could not feel anything for the woman who doomed and raised me even as she gave everything up for this. I could see Naruto awaken as she fell, the seal on his stomach pulsing in flashes of fiery red, melting his shirt.

I knew that the power of the seal could be used to save us all from the horror of this monster, and that Naruto himself would have to do it. He was taking it hard as he woke to see Tsunade crumpled beside him, his eyes calmer than I have ever seen them as he seemed to drink in the situation of this place. That alone was frightening, I knew he was out for revenge when those eyes flashed with that Will of Fire that brought Konoha here in the first place.

I viewed it through his eyes, objectively, this place was chaos; the ninja's who came here were retreating, only a handful left. I knew that if Naruto saw me, it would break his heart, he would know the truth, that I had led him here to die, hoping that a message to the Hokage would urge her to keep the plan from even coming down to this, doing nothing in his eyes to save him. There was no salvation for me in his eyes; He didn't need the confirmation of his last teammate's betrayal as he was sent to save the world from ever seeing the wrath of the Kyuubi no Kitsune.

I withdrew to the nearly non-existent shadows as I stood. I withdrew to the part of me that felt slightly less of an abomination that the rest. I could see Itachi still fighting the Kyuubi, but I knew today was not the day, he would fulfill Sasuke's wishes, and that would mean a tomorrow. "Itachi," I called softly. Reaching out my hand in his direction, I could see that the rings had been melted off, falling to dust and memory. He held my hand within his own as we retreated, stopping only to see the beast's destruction from a semi-safe distance. I saw what Konoha had watched as the Yondaime had brought the king of nightmares to the ground. But I saw the other side, the part where a beast, different and blood-lusting was in a world that had outgrown it, a world that no longer needed that soul. And so the world had created stronger beings, not strong enough to put the beast out of its misery, but just strong enough to cage and hold it for another day, when the world might need it again.

True to his suspected ancestry, Naruto would be that one soul to bring the beast down. In a comical fashion, he leaped to the head of the gigantic fox, avoiding its frothing mouth and searching teeth. Upon contact with the cranium of the Kyuubi, the seal immediately began to work, righting the wrongs, proving some sick faction that no one should hold all the power in this world. The legacy of the Yondaime had not died the sacrifice of the Godaime not un-witnessed in the failsafe of the seal and the bravery of the young man who I could not say I knew anymore. I didn't want to know him anymore.

A blinding flash, and all that was left was a pulsing seal and a boy, there was no hope for that monster, and none for the monster inside of me either. I was better now, I wasn't dark and corrupt and angry with nothing to lose, because I had lost things that I had claimed not to own, and yet still felt the loss of these things, I felt the loss of my very last chance, my very last tie with that village, Konoha. I had not saved Naruto.

"Itachi, there is a special place in hell for angels like us, isn't there." I asked, we were still the same distance away, but now it was time to leave, to move. His hand still grasped mine though; kept me in place.

"Hn." He answered; _we'll see. _I don't think he wanted to answer at all; but I knew his habits enough to get the gist of it.

I let go of his hand, but did not vanquish from his presence as we began to move from this place. We would find somewhere else, after all the world had outgrown its need for monsters, and who were we to challenge that. I finally smiled at the thought of becoming more than the tool I was now, even if I was less in the eyes of everyone else; and then I smiled even wider as I knew I'd continue to be a tool. I wanted to; I hadn't really been lost in the end; just misplaced.

* * *

**Epilogue**

**-And it Was- (Six months later)**

Clan: Haruno (Konoha)

Name: Sakura

Rank: S-rank  
Status: Missing

Previous Affiliation: Red Op. ANBU of Konoha

Akatsuki

Information:

Graduated the Ninja academy at twelve, was placed on a team with one Kakashi Hatake, one Uzumaki Naruto and one Sasuke Uchiha.

Was trained by one Tsunade, the Godaime Hokage

Was made a chunin at fourteen

Was made a jounin at 15

Was made ANBU, Black Op. at 15

Was made ANBU, Red Op. at 15

Abilities:

Skilled exceptionally in healing and medical jutsu

Maintains combat style of Tsunade, Godaime Hokage

Charges:

(Treason) Defecting out of the village with knowledge of its secrets and shinobi

(Treason) Indirectly responsible for the death of the Godaime Hokage

Responsible for the original death of Naruto Uzumaki while in collaboration and cooperation with the Akatsuki

Conclusion: Fearsome opponent

Bounty: -----

Other:

Assumed to have trained specially under instruction of the Akatsuki

Suspect of being _involved_ with one Uchiha Itachi

* * *

With a new and painful entry to his bingo book, the young, new Hokage set the book down on his desk with its first new entry since his initiation as Hokage. The irony didn't fail to irk him.

_Do you think; that somebody who cannot even save one of their friends can become Hokage? _

He had always liked to prove people wrong. He never knew how wrong you could prove yourself.


End file.
